Apples to Apples

My Kids Are Awesome

When people compliment my kids, I always agree with them. "She's pretty amazing, isn't she," I'll say when someone tells me something great one of my kids has done. Or I'll just simply remark, "my kids are pretty awesome."

I think it takes people "aback" at times. Like... you just bragged about your kids.

Yes. Yes I did.

The thing is, I'm pretty tough on my kids, in the sense that I make them work hard, I work with each of them carefully on behavior stuff they are struggling with or need to change, and sometimes this is quite challenging. My kids are all highly intelligent (see, there's the brag again) and very strongwilled. And this can present lots of challenge. It is difficult to parent strongwilled children. But my thought is, strong willed people, who know right from wrong, who've learned compassion and the importance of obedience, who've developed good habits, can be the most amazing people. So I'm parenting the greatest set of kids. Nothing that turns out really great is usually easy. SO I'm optomistic.

And to the world around me, my message is always, "my children are awesome."

Because they are.

I have a few people I trust and talk to when I'm worried about how to handle something, or worry over a kid's tendency, or feel at a loss for parenting tools. Those are people who I know will understand--who've parented multiple kids of their own and know kids go through stuff and turn out wonderfully in the end, and who I know won't talk about my kids to others. Also Jeffrey and I often (of course) discuss the various challenges in our family and strategize about how to handle them in such a way that our kids feel loved but also understand how they need to act and what they need to change, at times.

But outside of that small clutch of people I trust, I don't say that kind of stuff. I don't talk about my kids' struggles. I figure, kids deserve privacy just as much as an adult does. Would I talk to the entire world about an adult friend's struggles, an adult that I happen to know inside and out because am around them enough to observe & know all their deepest darkest secrets, worries, bad habits? Would i just go spill about all that stuff to anyone who'll listen? No way in heck. Those things are my friend's things. I have no right to talk about them to anyone else. That's called gossip.

I don't "gossip" about my kids to anyone. They are my friends, and I care about them deeply and believe in their right to privacy about deep struggles and difficulties.

When I talk about my kids, my words are: My Kids Are Awesome. Because they are.
And it's not wrong for a parent to say wonderful things about their children. TO accept and agree with compliments. My kids aren't "mine." When I accept a compliment and agree with it, I'm not complimenting myself, I'm agreeing that somebody I love a lot is Awesome.

So, with that as background, I feel like I need to take some time, right now, to talk about why each one of my kids is Awesome. This is part of my job as their mother. They need to hear it from me directly sometimes, not just random people who see their awesomeness from afar. I want my kids to know that I--their mother who sees every tiny little thing, who makes them work hard and learn hard and who corrects them and knows all their difficulties and struggles--know that they are awesome, too.

This is Loli.

That picture is from the Les Miserables play my community put on this summer. As you can see, she played Cosette. Loli has a beautiful voice, and is intuitive about music. She learns it fast and easily. She also has a great memory--she memorized those lines almost the first time she heard them. The director of the play thought I must have been going over lines with her and making her practice... not so. Loli just loves to sing, and loved being in the play. She acted the part perfectly. She is very talented.

She is also very intelligent. She's good at school... she's a little bookworm... she enjoys being challenged. She asks probing questions about the universe. She writes brilliantly--some of her stuff reads better than essays I corrected as a TA in college. She also is a fun person to be around. She has good friends. She's funny. She raises an eyebrow at me when I'm joking... she can tell even when I'm not smiling. She is pretty confident about her opinions. She is obedient and trustworthy. She is, all in all, a pretty amazing kid.

This is Bella.

Obviously, Bella is beautiful. But there's more to it than that. She's graceful, and dignified, and hilarious. She makes her sisters and brothers laugh and brings the boisterous fun. When you first get to know her, she might seem very quiet and very careful and calm, but don't let her fool you. Bella is a hard worker. She is very motivated to achieve well. She does all her jobs well--meticulously, and in school, she went from being somewhat behind because English is not her first language, to being one of the more advanced students in a matter of months. She loves to read. She loves to write me sweet, honest notes and draw pictures. She is very compassionate and responsible with babies and small children. I know when I leave my babies with Bella, they are safe. She is also a good leader. She knows what needs to happen and doesn't rest until it does. She works diligently, practices diligently, and is a good and loyal friend and daughter. She asks all the questions that are hard to answer, and is patient when they can't be answered immediately. She always wants to do what's right.

This is MayMay.

As you can see, MayMay's entire face is taken up by her smile. She has an amazing smile. MayMay came to our family with a lot of challenges to overcome--physical and mental and emotional, because of what she'd gone through before. She has grown fast into a wonderful, smart, bright, energetic, strong, capable girl. I'm indescribably proud of her for what she did in school last year--went from a K+ reading level to just a little above a 2nd grade reading level. She continues to improve, because of hard, diligent work. MayMay is all heart. She loves everybody, even people who aren't nice all the time. She thinks about others feelings a lot. SHe gets sad when others are sad. She gets happy when others are happy. She is often a peacemaker and intercessor in our family; when a kid is sad, she's the one who's there first. If they might be getting in trouble, she rushes to explain for them. At school, she's the one who sits by the alone kid or talks to the sad kid and is brave enough to tell kids who aren't being nice that they aren't being nice, and she even lets not-nice kids have a chance at redemption, in the sense that she forgives and will be a friend and rejoice when someone has gotten better at being nice. Meaza has a lot of friends, but it's not for the surface reasons of designer clothes or cool hair (though her hair is very cool) or owning lots of stuff. She has friends because she is a great friend. The best you could ever ask for.

This is Roo. (formerly known on this blog as "Jaws.")

Roo is just pure sweetness. She's smart, and funny, and thinks about things a lot and comes to some great conclusions. She is the best hugger in the family. Her hugs are heartfelt and tender. Roo inherrited her dad's giant, compassionate heart and tendency to reach out to others in love, even when it's a risk. She is also very musical. She surprises people with her sweet, true voice. She is also very smart. She remembers stuff quickly and learns quickly. And she is patient with the learning process--she trusts that she'll be able to figure something out if she keeps trying. Roo is very imaginative. She makes up all kinds of complex games with layered themes, not shying away from the grittiness of life. Her younger siblings and her older sister MayMay love to play with her. Roo is easily cajoled out of sadness or upset-ness. All you have to do is smile at her, and she'll smile back. That is a talent I would love to have. She really loves people. When her friends are away, she misses them deeply and thinks about them a lot. Roo is very inclusive. She doesn't want to leave people out. She has an infectious smile and laugh, and she's just an adorable, sweet, smart person. I feel grateful to have her in my home.

This is Squirt.

Squirt is very smart. Scary smart. He's learning first grade math right now and he can read almost at a first grade level, and he's only five. And he'd be further along than that if I pushed him, but I want him to enjoy school and feel like it's a fun experience, and he does. He loves school. He'll ask to do sight words and math facts flashcards and to read from science books with me about things like reptiles and amphibians and dinosaurs. He asks a lot of questions. Questions that I often cannot answer in their complexity. We have discussions together and come to some possible conclusions instead in those circumstances. Squirt is a very energetic boy, but he has a big heart as well. He loves his little brother deeply. He enjoys his siblings a lot--especially the ones younger than him, and likes to laugh when they do cute things and tell me about them. Squirt is also a leader. His friends really enjoy playing with him. He brings the fun. Squirt loves his mom and dad and his sunday school teachers. He loves to dress up like his Dad for church. Last Sunday, when we came down from singing a number in the ward choir, Squirt crossed the room of his own accord to go sit next to his primary teacher and he beamed the whole time. He really loves his teachers. Squirt has a sense of humor--he laughs a lot at jokes and when he's being tickled. Squirt loves hugs. Sometimes he needs to cuddle for a while with his mom, who finds this incredibly sweet. Squirt loves tools, and mechanical things, and his favorite thing to do is be with his Dad, fixing or building something. Squirt has an amazing memory-- he retains information others miss, and remembers and makes connections that often surprise. Squirt will do amazing things as he grows and learns more.

This is Baby Rose.

Perhaps the most beautiful baby ever. Rose is sweet and funny and enthusiastic. She loves playing with her siblings. She also has a great imagination, sometimes with hilarious results. Rose loves hugs. She loves her older and younger siblings, who cherish her. She was the first baby born after the adoption so she is "all of ours" in a way that seemed to emotionally seal our family together after all the changes. Loli, Bella, MayMay, Roo, and Squirt all have a soft spot for her. Rose loves her friends. She'll reach over to hold someone's hand or hug them without a second thought. She's got a great smile. She's energetic and plays any game you want to play, and makes a really cute pirate. Roo is articulate and surprising, with some of the things she comes up with--a little three year old girl talking so articulately, like an adult. She sings beautifully--surprisingly strong, clear, and in tune for a three-year-old. And in a way, she is a little adult. She takes matters into her own hands. She is sure of herself and intelligent and expects people to take her seriously, and also love her. And if something doesn't make sense, she'll either call you on it (you're teasing me, that's not true) or ask questions until she understands. Which I think is a great thing. She looks after her baby brother with a level of care and attention that I love to see.

This is Chumba.

Chumba is impossible not to love. He's sweet, he talks all the time (though most of it is still hard to understand) with great emphasis and feeling. He loves to play with his siblings, and willingly joins in all the pretending, playacting, and other games. He needs "cuddle breaks" every once in a while-- he'll come sit on my lap or lay next to me on the bed and just be quiet, while I hug him. He loves to be cuddled by his siblings, too (except when he doesn't) and when anybody's hurt or upset, he'll go over to them, lean over them and stare at them with his large blue eyes and usually, plant a kiss somewhere. He's very intensely interested in everything. From the time he was born, he was reaching for stuff. Honestly, right out of the womb, laying on my chest, he was reaching out and trying to grab things--my hair, my face. He likes to take things apart and then try to put them back together, like his Dad. He loves to have books read to him, especially Ten Little Tadpoles and Olivia's Opposites, where he likes to open his mouth really wide on the page about "Open," and he likes to growl really loud on the page that says "loud," and has a lion growling. Sometimes you can just tell he's thinking very hard, figuring things out... he gets quiet, and intent, and moves two pieces of something together in different ways to try to figure out if they go together or not. He's a sweet baby. I'm a little sad that he won't be the baby of the family for much longer.

I guess while I'm at it, I should write a little bit about this guy:

Jeff is my best friend. At the time I met him, I was amazed that so much awesome could exist in one human being. He is compassionate, handsome, intelligent, artistic, open-minded, talented... holy cow, where did this guy come from? I have a very strong belief that the only reason he didn't marry until age 30 was because Heavenly Father was saving him for me, and I've wondered ever since what I did to deserve him. He plays Chopin and Debussy with so much feeling and artistry. Less, lately, because we're so busy... I miss it. He is a graceful, confident, dashing ballroom dancer. He is coordinated and capable and brilliant at figuring out how to fix things--we've never taken our (20-year-old) vehicles to the mechanic. He figures out what's wrong, goes to a junkyard for a part, and fixes it. And it's fixed. He can walk by things and sometimes they'll fix themselves. (I'm not kidding.) I know that if he's trying to figure out how to do something, particularly if it's something to make our family's life easier or better, he'll end up finding a solution that works well. And he'll continually try to refine solutions so they're easier and easier for me, (less competent at these things) to implement. He cares deeply about politics, about the gospel, and about family and relationships. He loves everyone, but makes friends carefully. I feel very privileged to be one of the handful of people he lets into the innermost places of his heart. He is passionate about certain topics, but not evangelical or pushy like some passionate people can be--he loves people into listening to him. And he is capable of compromise. He is a peacemaker, but he isn't threatened by resolving conflict. He's patient, and loving, and open, and if he's disturbed about something he goes quiet and contemplative, not angry or upset. He does almost everything he does for *me* and for our kids. He is a great husband and father, and it hasn't been an easy road, coming into a family with a kid already there, and blending a family once again through adoption. We've been through things that would test anyone's patience to the utmost, and he's come through each time, supporting me, supporting our kids. He cares for his Sisters and brothers. He's given blessings to them, and to me. What a great guy. No wonder my kids are awesome.


OK, I challenge you moms and dads, now. Tell me why all your kids are awesome.

Repairing & Building My Faith in Men

I told you all I'm going to be posting some vulnerable stuff! Hooray, for more vulnerable stuff! Today's post centers around some crud I'm dealing with as regards my perception of male people in my life.

Thing is, I really really struggle to trust men. Especially men who are more typical men. The more manlike a man is on the manly spectrum (earning points in the direction of manliness if they're obsessed with sports, for instance, or dismissive of touchy-feely discussion, or extremely driven to some specific manlike activity such as fishing or hunting or outdoor cooking, or very logical rather than intuitive, or collecting cars or boats, or displaying the sort of leadership or "protective" qualities men are supposed to have) the less I trust them.

(I know, in listing these traits, that many women exhibit them as well. Right now I'm talking about stereotypes.)

All the men I trust are kind of... not typically male, in the sense of what society thinks are man-like traits. Jeff is not. He's not interested in sports. He loves fishing but not to the point where he loves it above all else. He really enjoys being a teacher, not a leader. A mentor. He loves talking. *loooves* talking. I might be more manly that way than he is... I can't talk for as long as he can about dreams, feelings, experiences. He's also a fantastic dancer, a musician...

these are not the traits that society designates as manly, necessarily.

And my own Dad. He's manly in the sense that he's Logical. Very answer-focused, when it comes to problem solving. Very A+B=C. Logical. BUt he's not into sports. He's kinda geeky... into books, reading, music, computer games. He loves to hike, that's pretty manly. He might be more typically male than my husband.

There's my Ida-Dad. He's manly in the sense that he's protective, he is authoritative, he's kind of a guider. He's also pretty strong & enjoys being able to work hard. But He doesn't like sports, or hunting, and he loves talking. And he loves music. And he doesn't take himself too seriously... maybe I'm wrong to think that's not a typical male quality. Maybe it's manly to not take oneself too seriously.

when I think of the men around me that are more "typical" (acc to the definition I'm using) I feel pretty threatened. Even if they're good people, if they have some of theses traits (really into sports and talk about them all the time, speak authoritatively in front of a group & have that sort of attitude of protectiveness toward stuff, not really into emotion-driven conversation, not really into books or music...) I feel like I pretty much don't want to be around them. I feel rejected by them before they've really rejected me.

The thing is, these traits are traits. Period. They don't make people good or bad, or even necessarily more manly or feminine. THey exist in people. By golly, some women are really, really authoritative (see Sheri Dew) and protective (see ME!)

But when those traits exist in a man, I feel pretty threatened by/suspicious of that man.

Why?

Dunno.


And it's lead to some thoughts about how I feel about myself, my body, especially during this pregnancy, and my interactions with various men in my life. I think the reason my body during pregnancy makes me feel so very vulnerable and self conscious has to do with the fact that I can no longer hide that I'm female. When I was a young woman, I had subtle curves. I could wear stuff that made it so nobody really got a good look at me if I didn't want them to. They likely knew I had breasts, but couldn't really see them. They weren't prominent. My hips had a bit of curve, but not an outstanding, undeniably feminine curve like they have now. I walk into a room right now and sometimes I feel extremely conscious of the fact I am a woman and it's pretty obvious.


I think I feel really self conscious about it because I've been used before, and so I walk into a room, feeling overtly and vulnerably feminine, and all these men are sitting around and I don't know what they're thinking. What if they're looking at my body and purposefully allowing it to induce sexual thoughts? I can't do anything about that. What if they're being overpowered by my feminine body & can't *help* but think sexual thoughts? I hate that. That turns me into an assault weapon.

Oh gosh. I'm kinda messed up.

I guess that's what happens when you go through what i have, sometimes, though.


I don't think it's just being married to a porn addict that helped me develop these kind of insecure feelings, though. I think it comes from my mother, too. I'm not at all sure she's comfortable with her own feminine body. I think she's pretty embarrassed by her body. I need to not pass that down any further.


Lately I've been working on feeling like i'm beautiful and endearing, as a woman who can't be anything but woman, the way I'm shaped. Maybe JEff loves me because I have breasts, because I am growing and turning into a different, wider-hipped, more curvy shape. Maybe that shape is beautiful and endearing to him. Maybe he feels tender about me. Maybe he feels protective and full of joy because of my body being undeniably feminine.

I just feel threatened, because I trust him, but I don't trust other men. I want to be that just for him. I'd like to be a secret woman, with secret breasts and secret hips. Not a woman with obvious ones for everyone in a room to see. i'd like to be able to "choose" who looks at me like that. But I can't.


I was having this kind of discussion with my IDa-Dad recently (not nearly so articulate or in depth... I can't speak as well as I can write) and he was attempting to bring across to me the message that men don't necessarily "turn on" as soon as they look at a woman. That's not how it works.

And I said, "But don't men think about sex every seven seconds?"

And his response made me laugh so hard. I had to post it. I hope he doesn't mind. He said "That's a great statistic. Lots of people have used it. But I have to think that anyone who is thinking about sex every seven seconds can't really be a productive citizen."


Ok. Take a moment and laugh.

Now think about it.

In what ways is our world distorting and destroying our faith in each other, in men, in women, in this way? Since when have we been all about sex?

Why do we paint men as hormone-driven, barely-controlled sex machines? If I walk into a room, looking obviously feminine, and some people happen to enjoy looking at me maybe, is the thought on every man's mind "sex," or is it "she's beautiful. I like looking at her." Sort of the same way a sunset is beautiful. Or a particularly graceful quaky aspen is beautiful.

I mean, you can "go there," but how many men actually "go there?" Can I trust that men aren't using me as pornography simply because i'm female?

Oh, gosh. I really hope so.

Responses welcome. Remember that this is me being vulnerable & real and I don't mean to shock at all, just trying to figure stuff out, and this is the easiest way for me to sort these thoughts, so. Thank you in advance.

Update on Greenhouse Project & Unexpected (and Rather Biblical) Blessings...

SO, we have the windows. We are in the process of figuring out how to acquire our other needed supplies--cement, cinderblocks, lumber. And we've gone to the city to figure out what sort of permit we need (pretty much just a general one, which we're combining with the permit for our fencelines.)

I admit, this project is weighing on me. I want to get it done before winter. I want to start growing veggies as soon as our outside-garden dies. But in good news there, we have tomatoes, spinach, lettuce in abundance, lots of beets, lots of badishes (my word for the wierd oblong radishes we chose to grow this year) carrots, squash and even a couple of watermelons (right now about baseball size).

This last week, I canned/dehydrated 2 boxes of pears, 2 boxes of peaches, and a few pounds of apples.

And then a big surprise came over the weekend. A neighbor brought home 100 dead pheasants/partridges in the back of his truck from his friend's bird-shooting ranch. He needed to find people to take them and eat them or he'd throw them away. You know the one way to get my ethical vegetarian husband to be willing to use meat? Tell him you're going to waste it otherwise. He went over and claimed 25 lbs of partirdges and pheasants, mourning over the fact that people would just go shoot for fun & then throw away birds like they're garbage. He and I spent our date night deskinning/defeathering, dismembering, disemboweling and decapitating these birds. And now we have a lot of meat in our freezer.

The funny thing is, we'd just had a conversation the week before about how our girls are looking a little peaky & tired, & they're perched on the edge of adolescent growth spurts, and I (after much stewing internally) told Jeff I felt we needed to add meat into the diet. Just sparingly... once a week, in a stew or casserole or something. But I've felt like this is right. JEff's counter argument was that he felt that meat would do more harm than good. They pump those chickens so full of hormones & antibiotics. He felt our girls would be in danger of breast cancer and other ailments if we started exposing them regularly (instead of rarely, at others' houses or at ward parties) to meat.

I guess this was Heavenly Father's way of answering my prayer.

It seems kinda old-testamenty to me.

Yes, we do Kayak.

Jeff and I never go anywhere, because in our giant black mafia van we get around 14 miles per gallon if we're lucky. So any trip anywhere's going to cost roughly the same amount it would take to bring our family to the local waterpark. So we might as well go there, right?

It actually makes me ache inside. I love taking trips. I love nature. I love hiking and outdoorsy stuff. So when family or friends come to visit, I tend to push to go do stuff. It's an excuse... we need to show them around, right? And it's even better when Uncle Anthony and Aunt Jessica come, because they're the same way. They love adventure and the outdoors! SO yesterday, we spent the whole entire day going places and seeing things and doing things. It was wonderful.

And I am exhausted.

My kids looking down into amazingly clear water which springs out of the ground--the origin of the river that runs through our town. There are some magnificent trout there. Not for fishing however, just for looking.

I admit I tasted some. The most delicious water I have tasted, I think. I was tempted to fill my waterbottle, but I think that's probably illegal.

And here's how we felt by the end of the day:

Advertising the Local Resources

So, as many of you may or may not be aware, there is a set of mountains in America which are called the Tetons.

Less of you are likely aware that this name, the tetons, has some vague reference to female anatomy.

Still fewer of you know, I am sure, that Teton is a french word that refers directly to breasts, and not in a classy way. In fact, when I typed the word, "teton" into google translator, the mildest of terms that came up was "hooters."

So apparently we have unwittingly allowed one of the most beautiful landmarks in america to be labeled the "big hooter" range. In fact, it's not that hard to imagine why the French explorers named them thus. (top picture).

Which, actually, I'm somewhat OK with. I mean, as you know I'm not really all that hung up about that sort of thing. Breasts are functional anatomical organs that serve several purposes. We had a discussion about this not long ago. I'm a little bit more iffy about referring to them as "hooters" or "jugs"other somewhat crass-ish terms, but there ya are. That's the French for ya.

What I don't understand is how my new corner of the world, which could arguably be labeled "the happier valley;" whose slogan could possibly read: "If you think BYU's the bubble, why don't you come and try BYU-Idaho on for size; we don't even let you wear SHORTS"--

came to be plastered with Hooters.

Some of the signs Skywalker and I have driven by recently:

Teton Oncology

Teton Glass and Distribution

Teton Lakes Golf Course

Teton lanes and bowling (ouch)

Grand Teton Counsel--Boy Scouts of America

Teton River Village

The Teton Grill (restaurant in BYU-Idaho Cafeteria) (I'd like a chicken teton sandwich, please)

Teton cleaning and repair

Teton women's clinic

The Teton-Vu Drive-In (dead serious. Dead serious. Here's a link if you don't believe me.)


The other day we were house hunting. The north-south addresses are kind of funny here; they sort of span a whole bunch of cities. We were looking for a certain listing and drove around and ended up in a place called... yes, that's right.

Tetonia.

Skywalker threw his hands up and said, "we are NOT living here."

And I quite agree. What if my kids ever had a french pen-pal?

My one thought is, there are enough people here who've served french speaking missions...and it's a university for crying out loud. Everyone has to know what "tetons" are? So why do they keep naming things after them?

Maybe people here are kinda earthy.

Or maybe out here, they're trying something that BYU-Utah hasn't tried yet, to up the number of students who get married, and help those reluctant RM-but-I-just-want-to-hang-out types. When you think about it, it's a rather ingenious marketing plan.

you know.... when you think about it.

Things We Say: Obama

*setting: Skywalker and the kids are in a hotel lobby eating continental breakfast and watching the news. Obama is making a statement to the media.*

Jaws: (gazing at the screen) Daddy, I love Obama.

Skywalker: (startled) Um. Okay. Why?

Jaws: (turns wide-eyed gaze on Skywalker) Because Mommy loves Obama.

Skywalker: Oh.

Jaws: Daddy, do you love Obama?

Skywalker: (struggling with words) well... as a person, I quite like him, yes. He's a good person. As the president... not so much.

Jaws: (gaze now reproachful) Daddy, why don't you love Obama?

Skywalker: Well... he's... I don't like how he takes my money.

*others, observing from surrounding tables, are now grinning in the Nosurf Family's direction*

Jaws: Why?

Skywalker: Well, I don't like how he takes my money because I'm pretty sure I could spend it better than he thinks he can.

Jaws: Oh. (nods.) Ok.

*a moment passes*

Jaws: Daddy, I still like Obama, though.

Skywalker: Mmm hmmm.

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Confessional: 25 random embarrassing things

I wrote this list in response to a friend whom I have never met, who lives in west virginia. I purposefully only replied to her request on her post because I did NOT want all my friends and family to see it. But then I spent 30 minutes writing it and so I thought, what the heck. I better post it here because I can't justify the time spent otherwise.

Yeah. Anyway... these are EMBARRASSING things about me so they're not necessarily meant to reflect WELL on me. Just keep that in mind.



1) My favorite food is sushi and yes, a piece of that may actually be posturing.
2) I still pick my nose. Sometimes in my bathroom, but sometimes right out in public. I feel like I have to because it gets crusty and painful and a kleenex just don't do the trick. Maybe I have allergies.
3) I express strong political opinions but in reality, every single argument still sways me. Which is why I express myself so strongly... I'm trying to convince myself.
4) I love Jazz but hate the kind of jazz that the real "jazz intellectuals" are suppsoed to love. Louis Armstrong: Yes. Thelonius Monk: Yawn.
5) I yell at my kids at least once a day. I try not to. And every once in a while I spank them... I try not to. **edited to add... By yell, I mean scold with a voice raised somewhat above normal. Not scream or shatter glass or anything... I got a concerned email**
6) I am actually a very good mom, but I always discount myself when I am around other moms because I'm afraid they'll think I"m full of myself.
7) Like Mary in pride and prejudice, I sing and am always "impatient for display" but would curl up and die if anyone knew that about me. Since you're in west virginia, it doesn't seem as bad that you might.
8) I try to pretend that the fact that we have chosen a simple lifestyle is the most wonderful thing and I'm completely happy, but sometimes I do wish we drove a shiny car and lived in a house that would make our neighbors think twice about yelling parenting suggestions over the fence.
9) Secretly I want to be Renee Fleming or Lia Salonga.
10) I love my husband but have a secret crush on Mattew McCoughnaghuey and Tom Selleck.
11) I'm a Mormon.
12) I'm also not so clear on how I feel about those gay marriage propositions. If one of them came to Utah, I'd be very conflicted and not know exactly what to do. And I clam up about Gay Marriage whenever anyone I don't know well enough brings up the subject, on either side.
13) I love my kids and secretly think they're better than everyone else's kids.
14) I secretly do think public school is a giant waste of time and money, but I realize it needs to be in place, for the same reasons as universal healthcare.
15) I'm a real hermet, too shy to approach people, but I wish people would just walk into my yard and talk to me, though nobody would guess it.
16) I LOVE grape soda and grape candy. That radioactive grape flavor is my absolute favorite.
17) I HATE brussel sprouts and all kinds of lettuce, even though I make myself and my kids eat a generous helping of veggies everyday, often salad.
18) I get cranky, and everyone knows it, no matter how hard I try to hide it.
19) If I could have a superpower, it would be the power to read minds. Really. I want to KNOW what you're thinking, even if it's completely negative and about me.
20) My name is {Nosurfgirl}. I am an internet addict.
21) The older my kids get, the more I see the wisdom of being one of those "wierd" homeschooling families even though I used to despise those families and think they gave homeschoolers a bad name.
22) I hate Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Hate. Hate. Hate.
23) But I would write it myself if it made me the money it's made him.
24) My little boy is going through temper tantrum fits and it's partly because I can't give him enough attention.
25) I am a secret poet.

Things We Say

NSG: Snack time!

All the girls: Apples! Can we have apples mom? Can we have apples?

NSG: *frowns in confusion* You don't want bananas this time? Not even you, MayMay? You never finish an apple when I give it to you.

MayMay: *Shakes head vehemently* No Mom. I want an apple. A RED apple. I'll finish it, I promise!

NSG: Well, OK then. (hands out apples.)

Bella: I want the reddest one, MOM!

Jaws: No, I want the reddest one!

NSG: They all taste just as sweet, girls. Here. (randomly hands out apples)

MayMay: *Gleeful chuckle* Look how RED mine is.

Bella: Ok, now die!!

Loli: I'm going to die first.

NSG: *whips head around, just in time to see Loli slink gracefully to the floor, apple-hand outflung, eyelids fluttering.*

NSG: *Baffled stare* Are you OK, Loli?

Bella: Now MY turn. Watch me, mommy! Watch me die! *takes a bite from apple, falls to knees, then crashes to the floor, allowing the apple to roll from her hand*

NSG: What are you doing?

MayMay: We're snow white, mom!

NSG: Ah. *Walks back to kitchen sink.*

NSG: Well, at least they'll finish their apples this time.

Homeschooling and Incorporating the Gospel

Because I have realized that I trust Diane Hopkins implicitly when it comes to curriculum, We chose to do the "package" curriculum with Latter Day Family Resources this year for Loli. This means we just bought a "packet" for third grade which included texts and workbooks for every important subject.

It was a good choice. Overall, I am very happy with what we have, and how Loli is learning this year.

Some of the books I have loved: singapore math. Story of the world, the middle ages text and activity book.

Some of the books, I have liked, but have found them a little strange. You see, they're Apologia curriculum. Which means.... Christian.

Well, you know. I'm a Christian. I love the idea of having the spirit while learning, and learning religious truths while learning science, history, etc. We do children's scripture stories before math every day, and read scriptures at night before bed, say prayers at every meal, do family home evening. One great thing about homeschooling is, I find I end up bearing my testimony in some small way, every day, to my kids.

But there's something wierd about these books sometimes.

Apologia science has this giant chip on its shoulder about evolution, it seems. I skip at least a paragraph every day we do science, where the text is asserting that evolution never happened, the world was literally created in seven days, here is the evidence that there were no dinosaurs, etc.

*sigh* I can put up with it.

But GRAMMAR? Does this really have a place in Grammar?

Technically, yes. God should have a place in every piece of our lives. I agree. I get it.

But this passage from Loli's grammar book struck me as a little odd:

c) Prayer is the way we talk to God. The Lord's Prayer is an example of a prayer. (Read it in Matthew 6:9-13.) Is there something you need Jesus to take care of? Write down a prayer, asking Jesus for help.


**what the?**

It came RIGHT AFTER adding suffixes to words.

And cursive.

That was my reaction as I read it. But I didn't say anything to Loli. I didn't want to give her the impression that I thought that it was silly, to say a prayer to Jesus in a textbook... See, I'm a pretty skeptical person, sort of sarcastic sometimes, but I try REALLY HARD to tone this down around my kids, especially when it comes to religious things. I don't make fun of Janice Kapp Perry... I realize that, while she's smarmy and gooey, she can teach important messages, and, yes, a small child might feel the spirit while singing, "A child's prayer."

anyway. So I didn't say anything to Loli, I just gave her the assignment.

When I got the assignment back, I was delighted to realize that, genetically, I must have passed some of my skepticism on to her.

Again, here was the question:

c) Prayer is the way we talk to God. The Lord's Prayer is an example of a prayer. (Read it in Matthew 6:9-13.) Is there something you need Jesus to take care of? Write down a prayer, asking Jesus for help.

And here was Loli's Answer:

I ask thee to help me ride my wobbeliy bike.

I snorted as I read her answer, then looked at her, and found answering amusement in her eyes.

"I know it's silly," she said, trying to hold back a grin.

"Loli, I love you," I said, and squeezed her, hard.

And then I proceeded to engage her in a discussion about different religions and how they handle God, and this textbook and its origins. I told her that if one of those questions makes her feel weird, she can talk to me about it or possibly even not answer, and we can just have a discussion instead.

I don't know about you, but I have always felt religion to be extremely personal.

I guess my daughter is the same way.

It's not a bad thing, I don't think. There is that whole section about the pharisee who prayed for people to hear, and the humble man who smote his chest and prayed quietly to himself.

Anyway, I want to hear from you homeschooling moms. How do you handle the spirituality/school balance?

see, I can make fun of myself

Bob Hope happens to be one of my heroes.

Hilarious

Maybe I shouldn't think this is funny because my family is composed of children whose first language doesn't happen to be English but I kind of do. Think it's funny. (in case you lost track of the first part of that sentence.

OK, Dave, I give in...

Just so you know, I have a friend who listens to Christmas music in September. His name is Dave. Usually I make cruel fun of this tendency of his, but I must admit...

This year I'm getting a bit sentimental. About Christmas Music. And I'm having a real hard time holding off the urge to turn on Bing and Harry and all the others. So I thought I'd share some Christmas music with y'all.

Pirate Popular

Of course it's national talk-like-a-pirate day, which of course is religiously observed in every god fearing household. And someone sent me a toy.

Which I promptly used. Enjoy:

Aye, whene'er I see someone less fortunate than Me,
And let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than Me?
My tender heart tends t' start t' bleed.
And when someone needs a makeo'er,
I simply have t' take o'er, shiver me timbers!
I know, Me know exactly what they need, shiver me timbers!

And e'en in your case,
Though tis' the toughest case I''e yet t' face,
Don't worry, I'm determined t' succeed, shiver me timbers!
Follow my lead,
And yes indeed, you will be...

POPULAR, shiver me timbers!
You're gonna be popular, shiver me timbers!
I'll teach you the proper poise,
When you talk t' boys,
Little ways t' flirt and flounce,
ooh, shiver me timbers!
I'll show you what shoes t' wear, shiver me timbers!
How t' fix your hair, shiver me timbers!
E'erthin' that mightily counts t' be...

POPULAR, shiver me timbers!
I'll help you be popular, shiver me timbers!
You'll hang with the right cohorts,
You'll be good at sports,
Know the slang you''e got t' know.
So let's start,
'Cause you''e got an awfully long way t' go, shiver me timbers!

Don't be offended by my frank analysis,
Think o' it as personality dialysis,
Now that I''e chosen t' become a
Pal, a sister and ad'isor,
Thar's nobody wiser, shiver me timbers!
Not when it comes to...

POPULAR, shiver me timbers!
I know about popular.
and with an assist from me,
t' be who you'll be,
instead o' dreary who you war...
Well, be.
Thar's nothin' that can stop you,
from becomin' popu-ler... lar...

la la, la la, shiver me timbers!
We're gonna make you pop-u-lar, shiver me timbers!

When me see depressin' creatures,
With unprepossessin' features,
I remind them on their own they ha'e
T' - think - o'
Celebrated heads o' state,
Or specially great communicators, shiver me timbers!
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh, shiver me timbers!

They war Popular, shiver me timbers!
Please, shiver me timbers!
Tis' all about popular.
Tis' not about aptitude,
Tis' the way you're 'iewed,
So tis' 'ery shrewd t' be,
Very 'ery popular
like Me, shiver me timbers!



oooohhhh I can't resist... one more:

Ahoy, if I could grant
You one wish
I'd wish you could see the way you kiss
Ooh, I lo'e watchin' you
Baby
When you're dri'in' me crazy

Ooh, Me lo'e the way you
Lo'e the way you lo'e me
Thar's nowhar else I'd rather be
Ooh, t' feel the way I feel with your arms around me
I only wish that you could see the way you lo'e me
The way you lo'e

It’s not right
It’s not fair
What you're missin' o'er thar
Someday I'll find a way t' show you
Just how lucky Me am t' know you

Ooh, I lo'e the way you
Lo'e the way you lo'e me
Thar's nowhar else I'd rather be
Ooh, t' feel the way Me feel with your arms around me
I only wish that you could see the way you lo'e me
The way you lo'e me

You're the million reasons why
Thar's lo'e reflectin' in my eyes

Ooh, I lo'e the way you
Lo'e the way you lo'e me
Thar's nowhar else I'd rather be
Ooh, t' feel the way I feel with your arms around me
I only wish that you could see the way you lo'e me
The way you lo'e me
The way you lo'e me

Ooh, the way you lo'e me
The way you lo'e me
Aye, me parrot concurs.


OK wait... Skywalker wanted me to try this one:

Arrr, it must have been cold thar in my shadow,
t' ne'er have sunlight on your face.
You war content t' let me shine, that's your way,
you always walked a step behind.
So I was the one with all the glory,
while you war the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name -- for so long,
a beautiful smile t' hide the pain.
CHORUS:
Did you e'er know that you're my hero,
and e''rythin' I would like t' be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you be the wind beneath my win's.
It might have appeared t' go unnoticed,
but I''e got it all har in my heart.
I want you t' know Me know the truth, o' course Me know it,
I would be nothin' with out you.
(CHORUS)
Fly, fly, fly away,
you let me fly so high.
Oh, fly, fly,
so high against the sky, so high Me almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you,
the wind beneath my win's. A pence for an old man o'de sea?

oh, nooooo wait....

this one's for you, Dave:

Aye, l.a.'s fine, the sun shines most the time
And the feelin' is 'lay back'
Palm trees grow, and rents be low
But you know Me keep thinkin' about
Makin' my way back
Well I'm New York City born and raised
But nowadays, I'm lost between two shores
L.A.'s fine, but it ain't home
New York's home, but it ain't mine no more
I am, Me said
T' no one thar
An no one heard at all
Not e'en the chair
I am, Me cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and I can't e'en say why
Lea'in' me lonely still
Did you e'er read about a frog who dreamed o' bein' a kin'
And then became one
Well except for the names and a few other changes
I you talk about me, the story's the same one
But Me got an emptiness deep inside
And I''e tried, but it won't let me go
And I'm not a man who likes t' swear
But Me ne'er cared for the sound o' bein' alone
I am, I said
T' no one thar
An no one heard at all
Not e'en the chair
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I am lost, and Me can't e'en say why
Lea'in' me lonely still Ye'll ne'er get me buried booty!

The Letter I sent to MayMay's Primary Teacher Today

so as we were walking home from primary, MayMay was proudly showing me her "dough." I said, "oh, that's so nice! Playdough!" And she said, "No mom, it's not playdough. It's dough!"

We got in the door and about 15 minutes into making lunch MayMay announced that she was supposed to make a pizza with the dough. So I changed my assumptions... Sister Black must have given them some dough to make something at home. What a great idea! OK, fine. Go ahead and make a pizza.

I preheated the oven and the kids had a grand old time rolling out the "dough" on a baking sheet. I gave MayMay sauce to spread, and cheese, and put it in the oven to bake. 10 minutes later I took it out, got the "pizza" off the pan, and put it on MayMay's plate, instructing her to share a little bit with her sisters.

I tasted a little glob of crust which had stuck to the pan.

I'm sure you know the rest.... :)

Skywalker and I were laughing so hard. I laughed so hard I cried. Anyway... thank you for the playdough! I should have tasted it before we even started.

The Hilarious Mr. Putz

If you haven't had a chance to go check out his blog, this is a good post to start with.

Mr. Putz SAYS he is a retired man in his sixties who is suffering from dementia but I know better... nobody with dementia could write with that level of hilarious, rambling genius.

Jane Austen's Fight Club

I love this. For so many reasons.

One of which is that this was made by a group of girls from an LDS singles' ward, and so they can identify with--


nevermind. I think I'll try to keep my big, fat, feminist mouth shut this time. It would be gilding the lily.

Things We Say

MayMay: Mom, I don't want to finish my tater-tot--

NSG: You mean, Apricot?

MayMay: Yes, Apricot. Mom, I don't want to finish my apricot because I just brushed my teeth and I don't want to make them all Sugar-y.



Jaws: I want to play Princess Games! (pout, looks out from under eyebrows).

MayMay: Of COURSE, Rusie. We can.


Setting: Burlington coat factory. NSG is looking in the kids' aisle for white clothing for Squirt, which he will need on Saturday when the Nosurf Family gets sealed in the temple.

(A family walks by. The father is black, with neat, small dreadlocks pulled back in a ponytial. The mother looks like she might be latin. The baby is biracial, with hair like Bella's and MayMay's, and skin approximately the color of hot chocolate.)

Squirt: (Stands up in cart, waves wildly) Hello, little sister!!!

Dad of stranger family: (Big Grin, busts up)

NSG: (Loud Laughter almost akin to covenant breaking)

Nosurf Girls: (Lots of hysterical giggling)

The two families walk away, grinning to themselves.

LDS Humor: Interview with My Female Ancestors, by Haley

OK. Please go read this.

Maybe the feminist in me finds this funny, or maybe it's the comedian, I don't know. But please go read it and tell me what you think. The only problem with it, IMHO is that it's not long enough, at all.

*disclaimer* use of bible swearing. Which I don't mind, but I know there are some who do.