natural poser...

Is it that she's a natural poser, or just that it's simply impossible to take anything but a really cute picture of this face?







I'm Inclined to think it's the latter.

Stuff and Living

Whenever I go back home to visit my parents my own life is thrown in some interesting contrasts. My parents live in Northern California, in a place where I could not even come close to being able to afford to live. But I love it here. Every time I come back here I want to move here. But then I forget that there are good things about where I live, too, and my mom is always thinking about moving out where I live. So really, vacations aren't a good way to judge a place and one's willingness to settle somewhere.

But there is one thing that is so much nicer where I grew up. It's really hard to explain exactly. But it involves materialism and expectations and conformity and things like that. Out here, I would never be questioned if I just wanted to rent the rest of my life, if wallpaper happened to be hanging from my ceiling in spots, if my car has a rusty bumper and a few patches of missing paint. My kids would not be looked at closely because they've got faded jeans and a loved T-shirt on, and hand-me-down tennis shoes instead of being dressed in a spanking-new, radiantly colored outfit complete with cute little clippy bought online to adorn their shining, professionally-cut hair.

There is a difference in expectation in Utah Valley. Let me just say it.

And for the most part I don't mind at all. My kids wear perfectly good clothes that others are done with... and I'll just say for the most part, they're being passed on because people have kids who have grown up, not simply because they're throwing them away. But I also know that there are very few families in what I consider to be my "class" (medium-low level income, but doable, young family) who would accept hand-me-downs unless they looked spanking brand new. ANd there are a lot of those around, too. People in Utah Valley buy a lot (it seems) and end up with too much and so end up throwing or giving a lot of amazing stuff away.

Am I weird because i accept every offer that comes my way? Does that make me somehow less of a mom? Does it throw me into the "needy Family," category? ANd for that matter, is this what people assume about us, because instead of having stretched our budget to buy a house, we're renting, and waiting for the right situation to come along?

I think I am happy about the lifestyle I lead. I have been blessed with so many miracles. And they literally seem to show up on my doorstep just as I need them. Skywalker and I were looking for a place to live three years ago, and our prayers were to the effect that we'd find a place that would serve our family's needs and also allow us to save the money we'd need to pay in cash for our adoption and not go into debt. And then Anna's house became available, for what let's just say is an amazing rate, unbelievable actually. If you knew what we paid in rent, you'd be shocked, even after you saw the wallpaper falling off our walls in places and the 70's era carpet and the 40's era interior decorating and the bathroom tiles falling off our walls and the rotted wall behind our sink.

It's doable. It's comfortable. It's clean. It's warm, it's not dangerous... for my family, it's perfect. And as we continue to live here our new goal is to save up a downpayment on a house, a blessing we're grateful to be able to plan for.

When we added two new kids to our family, we realized our old car would not do anymore. It was perfectly fine (12 years old, a bit of a gas-guzzler but ran just fine, some scratches on the sides from my harrowing parking experiences living in a condo community) except that it had one less seat than we needed.

My father-in-law offered to sell us their old van (14 years old, but in better condition than our old car, even, because he is such a meticulous maintainer of his vehicles.) Sure it's an old van. It's got a rust spot on the back bumper. It's a bit dingy on the inside and outside. But it has seven seats. And we could more than adequately afford the price (300 dollars). It was another blessing from Heavenly Father, and another miraculous answer to prayer-- that he bring us something that is reliable, that can carry our family around and that we could afford without any debt. And He did.

When we brought our girls home, I quickly realized I needed to bascially double the amount of clohes I had. I was thinking in my head, if I do this at DI and other thrift stores, I can keep it under 300, maybe. And then a ward member said she'd been praying about something she could do to help our family in the wake of our adoption and thought of the clothes she had stored in the basement. She asked me what sizes I might have use for, I told her and she said those were the sizes she had. Two days later I had four boxes full of clothes and I had more than enough for my girls. I even went through and put some of them in a box to give away, myself.

Another blessing, to a prayer not even offered, this time.

I sometimes wonder, existing in the pressure and social expectation that is Utah Valley, if people look at me and wonder what I'm doing. I'm renting. I drive what they probably see as a crud car on its last legs (But in reality...we could drive it another 100,000 miles if we take good care of it, at least according to the guy who inspected it when we got home). I dress my kids sometimes in cute but slightly faded clothes, in jeans that are a little worn at the knees, in shoes sometimes just a tad too big and coats that are too large but still warm (they can wear them next year, too!) and I wonder if people think I'm somehow a bad mom because I've accepted all these blessings and the opportunity to stay out of debt, live within my means, and save up for the blessings of the future.
We could easily afford a car payment. Buying a house right now is not outside of our reach if we followed certain options and opportunities. And I could buy all their clothes new... we do have the money.

Does that mean we SHOULD spend the money? It feels sometimes like some people think we should.

That is the thing I dread coming back to.

I feel like so many couples get married and decide that in order to have a kid, they need a 3 bedroom house and an almost new SUV (the new minivan), tons of designer baby clothes and other things like that in order to be a responsible family. And it's odd to be around. It's not the way I grew up. I'm not saying it's an evil phenomenon... it's just not anything like what I value at all, and I feel sometimes like people think I'm wierd or wrong or irresponsible to be the way I am.

And yet... these were all blessings. If Heavenly Father thinks it's good enough for my family, isn't it OK that I think it's good enough?

In the aftermath of Christmas (I handmade most of my girls' gifts, and the rest were hand-me-downs that were almost brand new, and I'm very grateful for the family who thought to offer to us before taking it to DI) I'm thinking about this with an extra measure of poignancy. My kids seem happy. I'm Happy. I feel like Heavenly Father is helping us meet our goals.

So maybe it's OK, after all, that I don't have a single thing to my name that I could sell for any significant amount of money... not a single thing. And that somehow in spite of that, life is good.

Writers

I just went to my first League of Utah Writers' Christmas party, and I have to say...

writers are weird.

that's all I have to say about that.

OK fine...

So my previous post was kind of a lead-up to this. I've been rebelliously not listing my own sister's blog in my links on the side because I don't think she ever visits mine. But that's silly and internet passive aggressive. So here's her cool blog with lots of thoughtful posts and fun silliness. I realized the other day (after I looked her blog up in my email account for the fifth time) that i really need a link on my sidebar so that I don't have to look it up. That's the way I operate... the links on my sidebar are mostly for me and my own convenience, but if any of you all want to click through cuz you're curious then that's awesome too because I like to read lots of awesome blogs.

And Cait, just so you know... I love reading your posts and really my complaining is more because I want to read more of them, not so much that I need you to come over here and comment.

Still waiting on Care. She's got a blog but I think she's only posted like one thing on it. And that was three years ago. Haha.

Maybe I should start one for her.

That would kind of be beside the pt though, wouldn't it? oh well.

Anyway, if you're interested in reading her blog you'll need an invite (she's all wise like that, keeping the blog private) so email her (I assume you'd know her email if you wanted an invite anyway) and she'll invite you.

It Buggeth Me...

OK so I have to admit. It really does bug me...

that none of my sisters ever read my blog.

I'm Jealous of Adelle and Camilla.

Sisters, you must read my blog. And comment uponeth it. That means you, Carolee... yes, you have to get internet in your apartment. And you, Cait... well, really you have no excuse except you're not really fond of the internets and you're newly married and wrapped up in honeymoon-type bliss as well as the stress of working a part time job while taking 18 credits.

Still, that's no excuse.

Am I right?

....sigh.

Fear Tactics

Loli has had a mysterious fever these past several days. It actually gets quite high, about 104 sometimes. The odd thing is, she has NO SYMPTOMS. Literally, NONE. She's just as bouncy and lively all day and her fever is about 101. At night it spikes to around 103-104 and then she starts acting tired and sluggish. None of my other kids have anything! I give her tylenol at night, and I've been doing cranberry pills because it seems to me it must be bacterial, somehow. If she still has it tonight, I'm planning on taking her to the doc tommorrow to see what's up. And perhaps cancel some plans (though I hope that doesn't happen... we have a full, fun weekend planned.)

So Loli's problem is she hates drinking water. She gets dehydrated really fast, though, especially when she's sick. So I've been pushing the emergen-c and water the last couple days. Last night I got a little frustrated.

Me: Loli, if you don't drink water when you're sick you could die.

Loli: (Looks at me suspiciously) No you can't.

Me: Yes, you could.

Loli: Mom, you can NOT die from not drinking water!

Me: It happens all the time.

Loli: Oh. (Thinking over the possibilities.)

Me: But before that happened with you we'd probably take you to a hospital, where they'd stick a needle in your arm and give you water THAT way. So you probably wouldn't die after all.

Loli: (Eyes completely round) Oh.


Next morning...

Loli: Mom, I drank a LOT of water last night.

Me: Good.

Winna: Mom, is Loli Die?

Me: No, she won't die.

Winna: (snickering) Loli Die, no water?

Loli: It's not funny!!!



And that's how you do it, ladies and gentlemen. As my mother before me, I have learned to utilize the tactic of scaring my children completely into submission.

Things they say

May:

"Gloon." (Glue)

"No Weird Me!" (don't call me weird! Usually to loli)

"Mama! Ethiopia, Me, and Woinshet, me sparkles! Coat, blanket, backpack, face, sparkles! And green makeup, and Jaws Green makeup, and Loli green makeup, and Mama and Daddy all buzzo bananas!!!) (Ethiopia has now become a fairtyale place in all our memories)

One thing about May is that she is really, really cute especially when she's really, really mad. Her voice is growly-roary, and her face screws up in a fascinatingly, maddeningly cute manner that makes it really difficult for me to follow through with a declared consequence for not-OK behavior. She reminds me of an angry baby rabbit, ready to claw her way out of the situation, but really in need of lots of cuddling as soon as possible. Thankfully she doesn't get in trouble nearly as much now... they've all learned that hurting is not a way to get things, and obeying is non-negotiable in most circumstances.

Jaws:

"Buzzoo Buzzzzzoooo!" accompanied by emphatic arm waving. (That's the Amharic word for lots or many. She uses it instead of English and I don't blame her because it's a far better word for it.)

"Mama, Meaza no takafahee." (Meaza won't share. I'm trying to figure out a way to encourage good English while not discouraging their use of Amharic.)

Jaws has a cute, high little girl voice and those large, blue eyes and she is suuuch a cuddler. She's been pushing boundaries a little more lately, and when she gets mad, she stares at you out from under her eyebrows in a very stern way that nearly has me doubled up in laughter. It's hard to stick to my point and follow through teaching her about sharing, helping clean up, being nice, etc. She reminds me of my sister Caitlin when she was little, in that she's so very open and happy to play whatever game is going on and gets really, really shriekingly excited about things.

Winna:

"Mom. Buzzoo Koyee Christmas?" (Lots of waiting until Christmas?)

"Yes. It's in a little while."

"This much koyee?" Lifting her arms out to the sides, then stretching them until they're as far back as they can go, so they're almost touching behind her back.

"This many days." (flashing ten fingers, then two). "Then we'll leave for Grandma's."

Winna (jumping up and down.)

I've been talking to Winna about how babies get born. Loli hasn't been curious yet, and my working method so far has been to wait for the questions. Winna has a plethora of questions, from how long until the baby's "ready come OUT!" To how the doctor "Get the Baby OUT." IT's been quite enlightening, especially considering the fact that, as always when explaining something to either winna or may, I have to resort to a lot of animated repetitive, simple phrases, as well as dramatic gestures, because she's still working on English. Gestures I would be embarrassed to display in polite company.

So whatever Loli might ever have wanted to know, she now knows, probably in more detail and demonstration than she ever could have wished. Thankfully we haven't gotten to the part about how babies get INTO mommy's tummy yet. Hopefully we'll all know enough English at that point to render gestures unnecessary.

I might take the chicken's road out and check out a book from the library if it comes to that.

Loli:

"Me? Upstairs? Me boozoo talking and then boozoo fall and Doof! Ouch on my head!!" (Maniacal laughter from Loli and Winna and Jaws and May.)


Yeah. Like I said... how do you encourage good English while at the same time not discouraging the use of another language in your home, which is something I acually love having happen? At least they seem to be getting better. These last two weeks, they have made the switch, I think, to mostly English.

Loli is reading "Mr. Popper's Penguins" right now and thinks it's hilarious. And she loved when I read her essay today so she could see me smile over the "funny" thing that happened in the chapter. It was way cute.


Squirt:

(Playing with one of Jeff's tools.)
Me: Squirt! Don't touch that.
Squirt: (attempts to hide it behind his back, staring at me guilelessly with his blue, blue eyes).
Me: Squirt, put it back.
Squirt. "O-ka-ay." (Makes a move as if to put it into the tool box, then quickly snatches it away and hides it behind his back again.)
Me: Put it back, squirt.
Squirt: Gives me a squinty-eyed, toothy grin. "Hi, Mommy."
Me: Hi, squirt. Please put the screwdriver back. (I wrest the screwdriver from his tiny iron grip.)
Squirt: (Ear piercing shriek, forms his hand into a little fist and holds it threateningly in front of his face.)
Me: No, no, squirt. Don't hit. Want to watch Duck Duck? (Disney cartoon, "the ugly duckling").
Squirt: (Pouting.) "O-ka-ay."


Squirt loves to take a coat hanger and a big stick and pretend to be a pirate. He'll go into a little baby-boy lunge stance and thrust his stick-sword and grin at you and say, "I Cappin Hook!"

I sometimes have to take sticks away when he hits people. We're working on that. He's all boy, that's for sure... Yes, Dave, in spite of all the soy milk. And in spite of the fact that he's surrounded. Who knows? Maybe he feels an obligation to be extra-super boy-like to balance out the household.

We're getting him a toy tool set for Christmas. :)


I just wanted to write down some of these things here because I don't keep a journal and I know, later, I'll be sad I didn't record these things, especially this irretrievable time when my entire brood is speaking pidgin Amahric-English. I'm going to take out my H-2 recorder one of these days and just record, record, record... I know it'll be something we'll enjoy for many decades to come.

The Most Wonderful Time of The Year

What do you like best about the Christmas Season?