Jun 6, 2005

an ulitmate waste of money

One wonders why an intelligent person would pay good money to not appreciate something. Like school, for instance. I went to college for six years and paid for most of them, and let the government pay for some of them. And I found every possible excuse to not go to class. I went to just enough classes so that I could pull what seemed to me a reasonable grade.

In theory, I like learning. I like the subjects I choose to take. It's tests, textbook chapters, and number two pencils that I do not like. It seems though, that to really understand something at a functional level, one has to find a mentor of some sort, and most mentors are unfortunately found on college campuses.

Not to say I didn't enjoy college. I did. In theory.

The same thing applies to voice lessons. I have been taking voice lessons for going on three years now. I love to sing. I used to love to learn to sing. In theory I still love to learn to sing, but when it comes down to it, I don't want somebody telling me to do what their idea of good singing is.

The interesting thing is, any kind of art is supposed to be some ultimate expression of you; who you are or what you're feeling, or the ultimate expression of some other person's selfhood or feelings or message. And so what's the point of artistic lessonry?

If the ultimate in self- expression is supposed to come through subconsciously in the creative process, where is the place for someone else's idea of correct or beautiful? Or is it society's idea that we're trying to uphold? Is art just a people-pleaser?

I went to college in idaho where i was told that I needed to change the way I sang. My voice teacher even suggested I change my major. I had been a singer from the age of three. People loved to hear me, and I loved for them to hear me. And suddenly I get a mentor and what he tells me is that I don't love for people to hear me, and they don't love to hear me, either.

The funny thing was, suddenly it became true after he said it, and I didn't sing for two years. I missed it and felt lost without it. My selfhood was no longer expressed without the creative process I had come to depend on.

So here I am, with a new mentor, relearning that I love to sing and that people love to hear me. And at the same time, resisting all the little things my mentor
now tells me about how to sing "well". What is good singing?
Are voice lessons a waste of money?


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