Open letter to the dream network

Dear Sir or Madam,

I'm writing to let you know that your services will no longer be needed. I never subscribed to your channel in the first place, and do not take kindly to having my mind inundated with disturbing images and compromising scenarios whilst I am sleeping. I'll have you know that I am not a violent person, and never have enjoyed watching violence, and yet you feed strange scenarios involving blunt objects and nighttime intruders into what should be a time of restful repose.

Furthermore, I will not put up with the innappropriate images that you foist upon me whilst I am vulnerable and somnolent and unable to control what goes on and off of the, often too festive, stage of my mind. The strategy of humming hymns being unavailable to me in such circumstances, I regret that I have no alternative but to block your channel.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you don't provide a valuable service to some who would like nothing better than to dream about blunt objects and strange, sensual circumstances every night. I do not judge these people. I hope that, likewhise, you will respect my wishes and leave me to dream of more restful things-- kittens and chocolate cake. And perhaps the Gilmore Girls.

I find your targeting of pregnant women especially disturbing, as they need all the restful sleep that they can get. Particularly if they're still waking up in the early hours of the morning to provide a comfort feeding to their toddler. I think you ought to examine your market and find a more appropriate audience for your programming.

Respectfully,

Nosurfgirl