Jan 18, 2009

phases and drama

So, Jaws has been having a tough month. She has been really really clingy, needing mom, not wanting to be left alone ever. She has even been having a hard time with nursery, which never was an issue before.

It sort of came out of nowhere. I think it might possibly be connected with potty training and generally getting older and more verbal. She is becoming more able to make more sense of this confusing world and therefore, is realizing that she is growing up. Maybe she is less sure of her standing in the family, and her relationship to me? I'll hold her and stroke her arm and maybe give her a kiss and say, "are you my baby girl?" And sometimes she'll nod and sometimes she'll say, "No mom. I'm a Jaws." or shake her head and say "I'm a girl, mom."

It's hard growing up. Poor kid. And I must admit that this last month has been a little hard on me, too... often in the morning I'll be holding Jaws on one side, Nursing squirt on the other and trying to go through our online K12 course material with Loli. Luckily, Loli is of an age to be able to fetch and carry. And having her, my big girl, be so helpful and studious and capable and sweet... it helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel with my others.

I want to make sure that Loli and Jaws and Squirt negotiate these tough phases, and make sure they come out at the other end with a secure idea of my love and support for them, and of their own value in the world. On the other hand, I also sometimes need to do dishes. Sigh. I think I'd better plan on starting to get up before the kids do, maybe. I am sooooo not a morning person; I think it's physical trauma from getting up at 4:45 in the morning and then getting to bed around 10:30 at night my entire senior year. My sleep cycles have never really recovered. Plus, Squirt's still waking up once or twice at night to nurse and cuddle.

burning the candle at both ends=required in motherhood.

I just pray my sanity and body can keep up. I'd never trade it, though. For anything. Not even a lifetime supply of Totino's frozen pizza and ranch dressing.

7 comments:

Lucy Stern said...

She sounds like a typical middle child....My Jennifer was just like that....Good luck!

Heather said...

I know what you mean about burning the candle on both ends. Life is tough some days. Children take every once of strength and patience you have and then some. But I guess that's why it's so important that we have them. If we never had these experiences, then we'd stay our impatient, self-centered selves forever. When I think about how much I've learned and grown in the past 4 years since C was born, I realize that for that reason alone, I wouldn't trade motherhood for anything else in the world.

Cami said...

I'm so sorry...I do understand :) Today was one of those days for me and I decided my boys get to go to bed a wee bit earlier than normal. Obviously they were exhausted because 10 minutes after I tucked them in they were zonked out. If you ever need some time to yourself, bring them on over. They can come play at my house :)

merrilykaroly said...

jr. was getting up once a night until very recently when I let him cry from 3 in the morning until 4 in the morning. It was so hard for me to do! But ever since then (I guess it was a like a week or two ago) he has slept soundly for at least 10 hours straight at night. I know it's sooo hard to do, and maybe you're deadset against it, but... well, it feels nice to finally sleep through the night myself :)

Mommyhood is so nice. Doesn't it feel nice to have your little ones need you so much? The dishes can wait... (I just realized how much I said the word 'nice' in this comment!)

marlajayne said...

Ah yes, the joys of motherhood. I'm serious about that! There are many, many joyful, happy days, and as you've been taught, there's opposition in all things. Sooooo, there are the tired, worried, frustrating type of days too. In your case, I KNOW you're raising some great children because of how you voice your love and concerns for them.

NoSurfGirl said...

lucy,

your Jennifer ended up just fine, right? :) I need reassurances...

NoSurfGirl said...

Adelle,

You are so right. I'm not deadset against the crying it out thing... I usually use it. I just have a hard time, like you said... haha. I think I'm going to try to eliminate that last nighttime feeding soon. I'll need to if I'm going to be leaving the kids with my parents for a week sometime in the next few months!!