May 31, 2009

Charity toward the inner thirteeny

It's been a while since I posted.

I'm feeling a little angsty right now. I don't like feeling like people depend on me, this is something I have realized. How silly is that? I am the DEFINITION of depended upon. Mom, wife, beehive advisor, friend, homeschooler, etc etc etc. Today I feel like shirking it all, holing up in my room and playing Civilization IV for five hours.

I've been reading my journal lately in preparation for the YW lesson I gave today on personal records. I realized I was kind of a brat when I was 13. But I had a lot of good qualities, too. It's funny, the two other women who read entries from their journals were also embarrassed by how silly they felt they were; how "shallow" or "wrapped up in unimportant things"...

do we put too much pressure on our young selves? I wonder if this leads to putting too much pressure on our own children, particularly our firstborn children. I felt like my parents came down pretty hard on me when I was that age. A piece of me reads this 13 year old version of myself and is a little disgusted, and I wonder if that's not a ridiculous, uncharitable way to be. I wonder if I'm going to be as critical of myself when I read my blog and journal entries in another sixteen years.

Maybe this is the most difficult aspect of "not judging," giving ourselves, in our weaknesses and periods of growth and youth, a break.

Just some things I've been pondering.

5 comments:

Fern said...

Don't feel bad... my (teenage) journal entries just describe boys... in great detail. Talk about mortification! My girl are definitely NOT getting a glimpse of those!!

Putz said...

i don't think generally speaking we can come down too hard on our kids...they have old spirits in them many of them, and they our saturday's warriers, and so if we push them sometimes they become a bit of a prodgedy and what is wrong with that...i have stopped blogging for awhile and maybe forever because i have run out of interesting things ...and made loren christie mad at me by she says making fun of her catholic saints....blogging can be a dangerous busineess...i was offended by you once beause of all your pornography stuff and your departure from polotics but never had the courage to say anything

NoSurfGirl said...

Putz, I'm sorry you were offended. I bet there were more people than just you who stopped reading regularly when I posted the POP&LDS series...
it's nice to be able to ignore those kinds of topics. Unfortunately, a growing number of LDS people can't ignore it; it is a reality in their lives. I think it's important not to shame those who feel a need to figure things out about pornography and their loved ones, or their own addictions. Shaming (as mentioned in the last post) actually adds to the problem, and so discussing in an open, honest manner, the issues and cirumstances and effects of pornography, would seem to be an antidote to the problem. That's why I did my series.

Keep blogging, Putz. People CHOOSE to be offended. Don't let their offense-taking stop you from blogging. Of course, you should be sensitive to others' needs but we all do things every once in a while (especially on the internet,where there are no facial expressions to soften or change the meaning of words) that offend. We have to forgive ourselves and let others decide whether or not to forgive us. :)

That was kind of a soapbox moment... hope it wasn't offensive.

Lucy Stern said...

13, what an age: Too old to be a little kid and too young to be an adult... That is a difficult age and we all learn things at every level of our lives...

Putz, you better not quit blogging...

Fred said...

I had many days like you described. It's one of the major reasons I left the corporate world...I felt as though I wasn't fulfilling my role as a dad and was putting more pressure on The Missus when I was busy traveling.