Bleah... (vent post)

I've had morningsickness for about (let's see... when was the day we left for Ethiopia?) I guess that would be 8 weeks now. I'm at week 14... it should be over, shouldn't it?

I think I got the swine flu. I've been attacking it with all kinds of poisonous herbs and so I was only bedridden for about three days but it's lINGERING... like, I'm just well enough that I have to do everything in the house but just sick enough that when I'm done I sit on the couch and GROAN.

My hips are hurting much sooner on this time... the first pregnancy it hit me at about 7 months. WIth the second, I started hobbling at around month 5.5. With Squirt I hurt at 4.5 months and literally COULD NOT WALK without shoving some major bone structures back in place by month 6. So I've been wearing a brace around my hips and it seems to be working but it is also DANG HOT in this weather and makes my butt look really, really big in my jeans.

I'm trying to sing classically now, and one thing I've realized is, you can belt when you're sick, you just have to be careful and you're not as flexible as usual. You can NOT sing opera when you're sick. It just doesn't work. IT sounds terrible... or perhaps those are my own insecurities coming out.

No foods sound OK to eat right now, but I'm HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. So I end up eating wierdness. For the last month or so I've eaten somethign greasy and protieny for breakfast, like a bratwurst. And along with it, I've had a healthy delicious pineapple kale green drink (which are soooo good. I don't THINK it's a wierd craving). Then I skip several hours because I don't feel hungry, I feel a little nauseated instead when I get that edge of hunger, and have to FORCE myself to eat something for dinner. It's a real pain. I feel like an ED patient, and my ED tech inner voice chides me often.

My bathroom is sooooo filthy. Honestly. It looks OK at first glance but it SMELLS YUCKY and the tub hasn't been cleaned in THREE WEEKS and the trash isn't emptied regularly and the toilet tank overflows every three flushes (Skywalker is working on it). All I've had time for lately, cleaning wise, are the traffic areas: living room, kitchen, and getting on my kids to clean their bedrooms. siiiiigh.

Bella is really testing me. Honeymoon is OVER (good) but it's constant. She really has a hard time when I say "no" to something. And she has a hard time sharing nicely with her sisters. Yesterday she purposefully hurt someone 3 times, and I had to put her in time out... that's right... 3 times. She's a stubborn girl, and it takes her a while to decide she's ready to come down and apologize. The guilt for me is really overwhelming... poor girl upstairs in the room almost HALF THE DAY. I do it "Love and Logic style", (sympathetic face: I'm so sorry you just hit your sister. Yes, it means you have to be up here for a few minutes. No you cannot bring your baby or barbie. It makes me so sad when this happens. Loving pat, kiss, shut the door.) Good practice, but man, my nerves are frayed.

May is really possesive and jealous of my time and affections. She will drape herself all over my lap so that nobody else can sit there, and place her baby there as a "placeholder" (chuckle) when she's gone. I've done my best not to get annoyed, to take it as part of the whole shebang and just be the good mom I am and give my kids the attention they need when they need it. Most of my kids are fairly indpenedent/don't need a WHOLE lot of lap and snuggle time, just every now and then, and so May does get a lot of time. But I feel like I'm shooing her away a lot of the time, too, when I have to do dishes or fold laundry or cook food. Guilt factor=high.

We're doing great. Homeschooling is going great, life is going great... I just needed to vent all of these frustrations out into the empty space of the universe or something like that, so thanks for listening.