Sep 1, 2010

I shouldn't be blogging

I shouldn't be blogging right now.

But I feel a need for release.

Today was good. In a tough way. Got a lot done, and now I'm very tired.

This diet thing is brutal. Is this what it feels like to be on a diet? I'm fine until about 7pm and then I feel like I'm hollow inside and just need to lie on the bed like a limp noodle and sleep.

It's gotten better. But I felt it tonight during my critique group I go to on Wednesdays (for my own personal happiness). Critique was great, but I felt like I was talking a little more thickly, a little more slowly than usual.

I got home and had to resolve a difficult difference with a good friend. It was pure miscommunication, but she was upset with me. YOu may not think this about me, but when people are mad at me I feel like I want to crawl in a hole in the ground and then avoid them for the next month.

But I've learned that grownups (functional ones at least) can resolve differences with charity and with friendship left intact.

That doesn't get rid of the crawly feeling I have inside, that someone was mad at me tonight, though.

I love writing.

I love my kids.

I love teaching.

I love singing.

It's a good thing I love what I do. But sometimes it does tend to feel like "too much of a good thing," making it into a "aggravating annoying thing," and I hate feeling that way about my kids.

This too shall pass, though. This is, definitively, the most "intense" stage of parenting--little kids. And I have a lot of them. They all need my undivided attention all day, and I give it to them for most of the day, and feel victorious at the end of it for doing so.

Sometimes I feel like the whole world has no idea what it's like, doing what I do, otherwise they wouldn't ask things of me that they sometimes ask. But then I remember the Savior and what he did. Gosh, he fasted for a month. And still healed people and resisted temptation, and only got angry when it was righteous to do so.

With God's help, I can succeed at this. He put me here... he won't let me flounder.

OK that's the end of this post... I need some sleep.

4 comments:

Putz said...

maybe you should sing us a song and not talk of politics and not diet and maybe that would make you relax and not be so tired>>>dead tired>>>hey i am teasing i know why you are dead tired >>>you have kids>>>>no they are not that demanding as kids normally go>>>just normal, but you have enough to make you weary>>>now as a phrophet of truth, i said that to you and it must be from god>>>i might hold a rally and found a philsophy on no surf sarha's tiredness >>it won't be right wing or liberal just part of my putziness, but people will follow me

Putz said...

p.s. and i feel i must write also, but sing no i won't do that but i do want to sing in the hollow of his hand at one of my grandson's fareweelllls

michele said...

Are you doing a low carb diet or something? Whatever it is, doesn't sound fun on top of everything else on your plate! Good luck!

NoSurfGirl said...

Michele---

not low carb. Just less food.

I weigh about the same right now as I usually weigh in the last trimester of my pregnancies... and it's been 5 months. usually I'm at least 5 pounds less than I am right now, right after delivery.

It's not just that. I turned 30, and my dad had a health scare when we were at home. I have a lot of the same issues he has, and I want to preempt the problem when I'm young. So I get a headstart on my health, and hopefully don't have to deal with cutting out all carbs, most salts and most oils when I reach my dad's age. That would be like hell for me, sorry to say it,

Anyway the diet is this: large green drink in the morning for breakfast (about 3 cups or so, invoving fruit juices, frozen fruit, and kale or spinach)

a moderate lunch (not so much I'm stuffing myself, but enough to feel satisified) making sure it involves proteins, fats, and complex carbs

and a giant salad for dinner with whatever--dressings, croutons, etc. But ONLY salad. As much as I want.

You'd think that wouldn't be too bad, but my body has gotten used to lots of calories. I'm used to eating WHATEVER I want, WHENEVER I want, and not gaining an ounce. I"m 30 now and my metabolism has slowed... I can't eat 2 frozen totino's pizzas for lunch and then a giant dinner and not gain weight anymore :( I'm sad.