Apr 20, 2008

the long journey to functionality

I have completed it. I did, I think a couple of years ago. So, the question is, how do you convince everyone else that you have completed it? Those who know me best know I'm fine. Those who don't know me best who were around when everything went haywire still treat me with kid gloves sometimes, and I don't like it.

I guess my question is, is there ANY way to convince people you are OK, and even that you would be a good friend to have? And when you get into a new ward and the bishop is handed all the information from the old ward,how many times does it take before you're no longer considered a "special" case?

These are sort of unanswerable questions, I realize. But if anyone out there has the answers or some advice I would love to read it and think it over.


James said...

I am glad to hear that you are doing well. People can be weird about situations that seem unusual to them.

I don't know if you remember but I saw you at Macey's in Provo a few years back. I think that is one of the few times that we have ever spoken really. It was not too long before that, that everything went down. I do remember that it did feel like there was a bit of an "elephant in the room" at the time. I certainly tried not to treat you any differently than I would any other old acquaintance. But at the same time, I almost wanted to ask how you were REALLY doing. Of course I didn't because we aren't that close and it was much sooner after the events.

I think people are just afraid when they don't know how YOU feel about things.

I guess the only thing you really can do is be open and honest and show people through your actions that you are ok. It may just be something that takes time for some people. And others may just never be able to get over it.

Either way, the important thing is how you feel inside. As it becomes less of an issue for you, those around you will feel the same.

This is all just my ramblings and opinions so take them for what they are worth.

Oh, and one other thing. Are you related (through marriage) to Doug Bassett? I took several classes from him. Travis Biggs and I are good friends with him. I remember him saying that a relative of his was marrying you. Just curious. He's a great guy.

NoSurfGirl said...

I think I remember that, too. I think there were elephants in every room during that time, lol. You're right... and at the time, I think I would have appreciated the asking but I probably would not have known how to respond, either, because I didn't really know myself how I was doing, or not doing. :)

That is some good advice I will have to ponder.

yes. Doug is Skywalker's (code name of course)Uncle. And he is very nice. He gave us his book as a wedding present. We like the Bassets. Skywalker was a playmate of his oldest son who died of CF.

Putz said...

at a byu ward, as we were leaving after 2 yeaars, the bishop said we would like to hear from the BALLS, our name BARLOWS

merrilykaroly said...

Maybe people just want to help and don't know how? I know that's probably not how it seems sometimes, but sometimes it's just hard to know how to act, you know? People are silly, but I think maybe it's because they really do want to help and don't know how to go about it...maybe not.

David L said...

You know, I kind of have a VERY different point of view on your situation since I actually come from the other side of the story. I knew the other half long before I knew your half, and when you met Skywalker (one of my life-long friends of a great many years), I felt very much the awkward person; kind of the person in the middle with no real detailed knowledge of either side but enough to be confused and awkward. I knew who you were and I knew why and what had happened, but I didn't know YOU.

It really helped me to know that you are comfortable discussing the situation and that you are as strong as I've always been made to believe. It might also help that I'm a pretty blunt person sometimes and I say what's on my mind. I think for most leaders, they just need to know that you are fine from your own mouth. They are going to find out, and what they do with that information largely depends on how you treat it. If they know you've moved on, they'll move on too.

NoSurfGirl said...


it's always a letdown when a bishop doesn't really know your name, especially if you're a longstanding (which for a BYU ward, 2 years qualifies you as) member.

Merrily: Yes. And Yes. I know you're right because I have had exactly the difficult you describe... except now I worry less about how they will react (likely polite and non-threatening) and more how I can help them, which sometimes I can't do much besides telling them I'm sorry they're going through difficulty and to ask me for favors if they need them.

Dave: I feel very complimented that people described me to you as strong. I guess that actually makes me feel better, thanks. I also love the more open (sometimes irreverant) treatment of elephants in the room. Unfortunately not everyone is comfortable with that... not even when it is YOUR elephant and not theirs. Some people take elephants way too seriously. I guess they are worried they'll get stepped upon. Or pooped upon. Or something.

Anonymous said...

Since I'm clueless about what everyone is discussing, I'll just say that whatever it is, you'll handle it with aplomb (hope I spelled that correctly) and grace.

NoSurfGirl said...

Thanks, Jayne. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about though... how long does it take after an earth-shattering event for people to look at you like you're normal again (and for you to look at yourself like you're normal.)