Jan 10, 2008

top ten things that people should have already invented

These could make somebody rich. I tell you.

1) Walkie-Talkie Socks. Each has a washer-dryerproof bluetooth device in it that activates a unique radio freqency to locate the other. Could also be applied to shoes.

2) Bookmark book-pager. Bookmark that beeps when it's paged from a small bookmarker holding-dock, so that the reader can figure out where the heck they left their book.

3) Fridge-food-freshness censor: if there's something that is going bad in the fridge, the light turns red. If there were a way to document how MANY items in the fridge have gone bad, or if there could be a yellow "warning" light for a food that is about to go bad so it can be used in tonight's soup, that would be even better.

4) Child-size, terry-cloth goggles to keep soap from getting in eyes at bathtime, thus preventing screaming and teary mahem. Also, terry-cloth earmuffs, for my six year old who is, for some reason, terrified of getting water in her ears.

6) Car-seat climate control; protects carseat and various metal parts from becoming too hot in the summer, thereby avoiding any buckle-shaped burnmarks upon toddler legs. Also keeps carseats warm in the winter so that there's something to compensate for the frigid-backseat-until-the-heater-works phenomenon.

7) Edible chapstick. Must look very real, in a real, grown-up looking container with that same waxy quality that seems to attract toddlers and charm their taste-buds. Must contain all natural ingredients, and must be colored so as to preserve the hilarious clown effect.

9) Baby bottles that are actually possible to clean; ie wide enough, without impossible angles or little ridged things on the inside that tend to collect bottle grime. Even better: A system where you can plug each baby bottle into a socket that cleans them spick and span, with perfect-sized brushes and mild detergents. Must also have a rinse cycle, and must be under 5 minutes to use... toddlers can only take so much suspense.

10) Backseat barriers: a partition that can be raised between each seat in order to block child-sized passengers from one another, thus preventing sly elbowing and teasing. Should have a button upfront for easy parental access.

Also, one of those barriers that goes between the front and back, so that parents can listen to NPR in silence and ignore complaints about children breathing upon one another and fighting over toys.

I tell you, someone better get on these, quick. I would spend money on every single one of them. Every single one.

4 comments:

daen said...

I recall my mom sending us to our own "corners" of the car. Seriously.

The backseat plexiglass separator will be an amazing invention. Maybe it will fund your kids' college tuitions? I'll buy it!

daen said...

I recall my mom sending us to our own "corners" of the car. Seriously.

The backseat plexiglass separator will be an amazing invention. Maybe it will fund your kids' college tuitions? I'll buy it!

Fern said...

There is some kind of "sock clip" out there so that you can clip the socks together before you throw them in the wash. I don't know what it's called,though.

N.F. said...

I really like the 2nd one. :)