The discussion that my title links to, (well... a particular comment from it), has caused me a great deal of rumination over the past several months. This hit me hard, when I read it. And I'll be utilizing it, probably reading it, memorizing it over these next few months.
I don't make friends easily, and reading this list, I realized why: it's hard work. And I don't ever do it... I expect friends to come to me, without any effort on my part. I realized, after reading Tatiana's Twelve Tips, that this is a ridiculous expectation. As with anything else in life, good only comes after hard work. So... I thought I'd post this for myself, but also for anyone else who is struggling or ever has struggled making friends. So, without further ado:
Tatiana's Twelve Tips For Making Friends
1. Don’t let the fact that you’re alone stop you from doing anything you’d like to do. Go to restaurants, movies, concerts, art museums, whatever you find interesting and fun. This may take courage at first, but gather your courage to do it a few times, and you’ll soon find it easy and natural. You actually meet a lot more new people when you’re alone than in a group, because you’re so open to others when you don’t have companions who claim your whole attention.
2. Enjoy yourself. Whether you’re alone or with others, be interested in your surroundings and open to new impressions and experiences. Think of life as an exciting holiday or adventure, and be willing to engage with it.
3. Be interested in people. Lose your fear of strangers and learn to see everyone as a potential friend. Notice things about them. Imagine what it’s like to be them right now, what they might be thinking and feeling.
4. Try to look nice when you’re out in the world. It’s not that you must be beautiful to make friends, but groom yourself enough not to look scary. The Charles Manson look isn’t conducive to meeting people.
5. Don’t limit yourself. Don’t think only people of a certain age, whose clothes are a particular style and whose hair looks right, are potential friends. Look at kids, old people, people of all ethnicities and cultures and in every profession and walk of life, as potential friends. After all, even if you’re more interested in people your age, kids have elder siblings and babysitters, old people have dear nephews and grandchildren, etc. All people are connected. And all people are interesting and worthy in their own right, too. If you’re a shy person, could it be that it’s really you who are snubbing everyone else’s overtures?
When people are in high school, they usually separate into groups like nerds, freaks, preps, stoners, band geeks, partiers, etc., and don’t often make friends from other groups. In college, most people abandon those categories and realize that there are interesting cool wonderful people under all classifications. The people who are the least like you are the ones from whom you have the most to learn. Be a xenophile. There are whole worlds of interest out there of which you may be unaware.
For instance, the forestry majors had awesome impromptu bluegrass concerts around the fire outside at their parties. (Forestry majors don’t go inside unless they have to.) The astronomy majors have cool star parties once a week, and you get to look through all their awesome huge telescopes. The socialites often have a lot of wit and interesting humor. They value sparkliness a lot. Stoners are often very sweet and placid people. They’re lotus eaters, and often have very gentle spirits. (I don’t recommend you share their recreational substances, though. Just say no thanks and/or pass it along. =)) People from other countries are fascinating for their totally different cultures and worldviews. Definitely cultivate their friendship!
6. If you’re very shy, one thing you can do is make friends with someone who makes friends easily, and you’ll likely find other friends among their many friends and acquaintances.
7. Be helpful. If you see someone struggling with something, be willing to offer your help. Don’t be pushy, of course, but be willing offhand to assist people if they seem to need it. “You look lost, can I help you find something?” “Let me help you pick those up,” (if someone drops something.) Hold the door for someone who has their arms full. (Here in the south we hold the door for everyone who comes behind us, but I know that’s not the custom in other parts of the country.)
8. Smile. (In an offhand way.) If you take too much sudden interest in a stranger, you’ll put them off, but if you seem friendly, but not particularly eager, you’ll put them at their ease. The smile you want is one in which you smile with your mouth, but not so much your eyes. The eyes should show benign friendliness only.
9. Ask questions or comment offhand about things of immediate mutual interest. If you’re waiting for your plane you might ask someone if they’ve heard if it will be late. If you are at a concert ask who is the opening band. If you are in line you can ask how long the person in front of you has been there, how fast the line is moving. If you can make a funny remark about something happening in the vicinity, that’s even better. You can’t launch instantly into talking about things that matter. You have to talk about inconsequentia first. Anything that’s minor, and of immediate passing interest will do. There’s a reason why the weather is such a perennial topic of conversation.
10. Be friendly to all who serve you. Appreciate the people who wait on you at restaurants, check you out at stores, and so on. Particularly when you’re traveling, they can be very kind and helpful.
11. It’s not about you. Don’t ever be offended, or hurt, or put upon in any way, if a person ever snubs your friendliness. They are a stranger. They don’t know you. Whatever their reaction, it most likely has a lot more to do with how they’re feeling today, and what they have going on in their life, than it does anything at all about you. Be blase about rejection. After all, with strangers, you have no expectation that they’re good people, or kind, or polite. They could be afraid of strangers, or too busy, or in a bad mood. They could be anything at all. Accept that and don’t be worried or put off by it, but respond according to how they act. I’ve found that almost everyone is decent, kind and good.
12. Don’t get discouraged. It takes a lot of tries to get one hit. Don’t expect instant complete success. Cultivate friendliness as an attitude, an overall approach to people, and you’ll begin to make more and more friends. It’s a snowball thing. Give it time and be persistent. With practice and consistent effort, you’ll eventually get results.
I just want to add that I’m a painfully shy person by nature. Because of my job, traveling a lot, and other things that have happened in my life, (mother’s insistence, for one) I just happened to learn this skill. Anyone can learn it. Like anything, you try and then screw up sometimes, and then you try some more, and get better at it. The most important thing, rule zero, I guess it should be, is just to have courage to try and keep trying until you figure it out.
The most important concept of all is “To Have a Friend, Be a Friend”. Look out for people whom you can help in any way. Be willing to pitch in and help. Reach out to those who seem discouraged or disheartened. Think of friendship being about what you can do for others, and approach it that way. Think of it not as something you have, but rather as something you do. Write thank you notes to people who’ve contributed to things. Remember people’s birthdays in little appropriate ways. Offer to help them in whatever way you think could be useful. Offer to babysit, pick up something at the store, give someone a ride, bring them a meal, etc. Find needs and fill them.
Shared work makes a great bond between people. Pitch in and help with whatever work needs to be done, and you’ll feel a connection grow with whomever you work beside. Shared food is another bond, so bring treats! Shared laughter is great, as well. Be funny as often as you can, and cultivate a humorous outlook. Laugh at other people’s jokes. Encourage silliness, and don’t take yourself too seriously.
So I realize now that if I make an effort, I can make friends anywhere. Even in Relief Society!
Jan 10, 2011
Jan 2, 2011
Moving and Growing Pains
I can't pretend that I'm not completely heartbroken about moving.
I have been careful with my feelings this time we went up to Rexburg, this time Skywalker applied for a job. I feel like this is a blessing Heavenly Father is giving us, and that complaining about it is somewhat like my kids complaining when I give them snack and it's not what they wanted that morning. Only bigger. Of course.
I don't know what I'm writing. Anyway... suffice it to say things feel confused, and stressful. Anxiety at an all-time high right now.
I feel heartbroken, saying goodbye to friends. The Bounouses have been my friends, my good friends, during a lot of difficult times, and they stuck by me when anybody else would have shipped me off to the funny farm or stopped returning my phone calls.
I will be very sad to say goodbye to my voice teacher, Dr. Bounous (also friend, and stand-in priesthood help on occasion). Dude, can I just say how much I love this man. I love him, love him, love him and will miss him, miss him, miss him.
I will miss Debbie Bounous as well. She is another kind of friend to me--the one who is motherly and sisterly and whom I can vent ridiculous things to that I wouldn't really talk to most people about. And she has been a stand in mother to my daughter when I was too fractured emotionally or my schedule got crazy.
Her daughter is like my daughter's sister. They are emotionally, sisters. Loli will be heartbroken to leave, and I know there will be rough times for her as she adjusts to the idea that she no longer has Jennie, to play with whenever she wants. We're going to try to set something up like an email account so they can be penpals, but my big worry is that the natural thing will happen--they will grow apart, and loli will have a hard time making new friends. She's pretty shy. She's one of those kids other kids usually like, but I'm afraid she'll struggle for a while.
Skywalker and I will miss the Lovelesses. They have been our sanity these last few years. We've had so much fun, joked and talked and played and it was really sort of like a "relationship" between couples... I don't know how else to explain it. A friendship that developed only between two units of couplehood instead of two people. I have never had that, and I don't have a lot of faith Skywalker and I will have it again, especially not on the same level as the friendship we have with these two.
Dave is hilarious. He's one of my favorite people because he's at the same time un-apologetically imperfect and proud of who he is. Confident, but also willing to admit to needing people. Courntey is one of my favorite people because she is so logical and accepting and just GOOD, like, Good Mormon girl, and yet she knows how to have fun, too. And she's not phased by, or judgmental about, my weird past or by my sometimes lack of function as a parent, right in front of her. How many people in this world are like that?
I will miss my sisters, who are so fun to be around when we do get together... our family culture takes over and we laugh a lot and have our little inside quips and things nobody else really gets. And I won't have them around to check my persecution complexes or tendency to exaggerate... I just won't be as good a person without them around.
I will miss my homeschooling group. THey are such lovely women, so down-to-earth and no-drama (most of the time.) So accepting and intelligent and just... the salt of the earth. I feel at home when I am with them. I feel like I am with people who share nearly all my values and priorities and so I don't have to defend myself at all. And those great kids. My kids will miss their kids.
I will miss my writing critique group. My newest set of friends; hilarious, fun, such a great fit. We all have different writing-related talents, and when we help each other it's so full of fun and happiness and enjoyment, it's almost like a writing support group--a place for people who sit huddled over a laptop, half-hiding the screen from the view of those who might be reading over their shoulder, but secretly have this burning desire to slap their writing all over every billboard and force feed our words to the world. I feel like these are the people who I am intellectually related to. We writers are weird folks. We are. We're sort of like carnival workers--you don't know until you're on the inside how great it can be to be a part of the community.
I will miss my mountains. I have never hiked timp, I have hiked the Y exactly two times. I have never done any camping in these mountains that have stretched over me these last 10 years. I still can't quite believe this. I can't believe I haven't found my special places in these mountains. There's been too much on my plate... I say. But I won't be making that same mistake in Rexburg. I don't want to have any more mountain regrets like the ones I'm feeling right now.
I will miss my Provo. Over the last three years I have been writing an historical fiction about Provo in its early days. I have gotten to know families, whole families with names like Wall and Bean and Baum and Cluff, Haws and Holdaway and Miller and Turner. Every time I walk past an old monument here in town, I scan the fine print for names. And almost every time, I find them, and a sense of happiness and mystery floods through me. A burning desire to get to know these people, and the town they lived in. I drive on the streets that run through the center of town and see the uneven sidewalks and think, what building's foundation lies under here. Was it Stuart's old store? The tithing house? the schoolhouse? the old Seminary Building? I look at the crossed sidewalks in pioneer park and see the crossed, dirt paths, like an X through the center square of the old town-plat map from 1880. I look at where the stream used to run by 5th west, and think of the old city run.
I look at the tabernacle with its collapsed roof and the burn-marks on the walls and what remains of my teenage-magical-thinking causes me to wonder if, somehow, I did that. I'm leaving, and it feels almost like a betrayal.
Already I'm frantically planning, scanning maps, googling like there's no tommorrow to find what I'll need in this new city of mine. I've even got the faint sketches of a plot in my mind, a story I could write about Rexburg, so that I can grow to love it faster, this time. A new writing critique group, a new voice teacher, a new novel, a new homeschooling group--all these are doable.
New friends? I don't know how doable that is. And how quick it would be likely to happen. But I can try. Not too hard--if you try too hard, people don't like you all that much. I have to be casual, do the whole "half smile and look away" thing. I have to keep all the controversial topics that seem to want to leap out of me during every conversation under control. I have to pay attention to faces and tone and make sure I don't offend everybody I meet right off the bat.
There's a James Taylor song: Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel. Things are going to work out fine if you only will...
this has always been hard for me. How do you tell someone you love them? I tell Skywalker every day, but how do you tell a friend you love them, a teacher, a group of people, without making them feel weird. Unfortunately in our society it doesn't really come all that easy.
I guess that's what a blog could be for.
I have been careful with my feelings this time we went up to Rexburg, this time Skywalker applied for a job. I feel like this is a blessing Heavenly Father is giving us, and that complaining about it is somewhat like my kids complaining when I give them snack and it's not what they wanted that morning. Only bigger. Of course.
I don't know what I'm writing. Anyway... suffice it to say things feel confused, and stressful. Anxiety at an all-time high right now.
I feel heartbroken, saying goodbye to friends. The Bounouses have been my friends, my good friends, during a lot of difficult times, and they stuck by me when anybody else would have shipped me off to the funny farm or stopped returning my phone calls.
I will be very sad to say goodbye to my voice teacher, Dr. Bounous (also friend, and stand-in priesthood help on occasion). Dude, can I just say how much I love this man. I love him, love him, love him and will miss him, miss him, miss him.
I will miss Debbie Bounous as well. She is another kind of friend to me--the one who is motherly and sisterly and whom I can vent ridiculous things to that I wouldn't really talk to most people about. And she has been a stand in mother to my daughter when I was too fractured emotionally or my schedule got crazy.
Her daughter is like my daughter's sister. They are emotionally, sisters. Loli will be heartbroken to leave, and I know there will be rough times for her as she adjusts to the idea that she no longer has Jennie, to play with whenever she wants. We're going to try to set something up like an email account so they can be penpals, but my big worry is that the natural thing will happen--they will grow apart, and loli will have a hard time making new friends. She's pretty shy. She's one of those kids other kids usually like, but I'm afraid she'll struggle for a while.
Skywalker and I will miss the Lovelesses. They have been our sanity these last few years. We've had so much fun, joked and talked and played and it was really sort of like a "relationship" between couples... I don't know how else to explain it. A friendship that developed only between two units of couplehood instead of two people. I have never had that, and I don't have a lot of faith Skywalker and I will have it again, especially not on the same level as the friendship we have with these two.
Dave is hilarious. He's one of my favorite people because he's at the same time un-apologetically imperfect and proud of who he is. Confident, but also willing to admit to needing people. Courntey is one of my favorite people because she is so logical and accepting and just GOOD, like, Good Mormon girl, and yet she knows how to have fun, too. And she's not phased by, or judgmental about, my weird past or by my sometimes lack of function as a parent, right in front of her. How many people in this world are like that?
I will miss my sisters, who are so fun to be around when we do get together... our family culture takes over and we laugh a lot and have our little inside quips and things nobody else really gets. And I won't have them around to check my persecution complexes or tendency to exaggerate... I just won't be as good a person without them around.
I will miss my homeschooling group. THey are such lovely women, so down-to-earth and no-drama (most of the time.) So accepting and intelligent and just... the salt of the earth. I feel at home when I am with them. I feel like I am with people who share nearly all my values and priorities and so I don't have to defend myself at all. And those great kids. My kids will miss their kids.
I will miss my writing critique group. My newest set of friends; hilarious, fun, such a great fit. We all have different writing-related talents, and when we help each other it's so full of fun and happiness and enjoyment, it's almost like a writing support group--a place for people who sit huddled over a laptop, half-hiding the screen from the view of those who might be reading over their shoulder, but secretly have this burning desire to slap their writing all over every billboard and force feed our words to the world. I feel like these are the people who I am intellectually related to. We writers are weird folks. We are. We're sort of like carnival workers--you don't know until you're on the inside how great it can be to be a part of the community.
I will miss my mountains. I have never hiked timp, I have hiked the Y exactly two times. I have never done any camping in these mountains that have stretched over me these last 10 years. I still can't quite believe this. I can't believe I haven't found my special places in these mountains. There's been too much on my plate... I say. But I won't be making that same mistake in Rexburg. I don't want to have any more mountain regrets like the ones I'm feeling right now.
I will miss my Provo. Over the last three years I have been writing an historical fiction about Provo in its early days. I have gotten to know families, whole families with names like Wall and Bean and Baum and Cluff, Haws and Holdaway and Miller and Turner. Every time I walk past an old monument here in town, I scan the fine print for names. And almost every time, I find them, and a sense of happiness and mystery floods through me. A burning desire to get to know these people, and the town they lived in. I drive on the streets that run through the center of town and see the uneven sidewalks and think, what building's foundation lies under here. Was it Stuart's old store? The tithing house? the schoolhouse? the old Seminary Building? I look at the crossed sidewalks in pioneer park and see the crossed, dirt paths, like an X through the center square of the old town-plat map from 1880. I look at where the stream used to run by 5th west, and think of the old city run.
I look at the tabernacle with its collapsed roof and the burn-marks on the walls and what remains of my teenage-magical-thinking causes me to wonder if, somehow, I did that. I'm leaving, and it feels almost like a betrayal.
Already I'm frantically planning, scanning maps, googling like there's no tommorrow to find what I'll need in this new city of mine. I've even got the faint sketches of a plot in my mind, a story I could write about Rexburg, so that I can grow to love it faster, this time. A new writing critique group, a new voice teacher, a new novel, a new homeschooling group--all these are doable.
New friends? I don't know how doable that is. And how quick it would be likely to happen. But I can try. Not too hard--if you try too hard, people don't like you all that much. I have to be casual, do the whole "half smile and look away" thing. I have to keep all the controversial topics that seem to want to leap out of me during every conversation under control. I have to pay attention to faces and tone and make sure I don't offend everybody I meet right off the bat.
There's a James Taylor song: Shower the people you love with love. Show them the way that you feel. Things are going to work out fine if you only will...
this has always been hard for me. How do you tell someone you love them? I tell Skywalker every day, but how do you tell a friend you love them, a teacher, a group of people, without making them feel weird. Unfortunately in our society it doesn't really come all that easy.
I guess that's what a blog could be for.
Dec 31, 2010
Things We Say: Obama
*setting: Skywalker and the kids are in a hotel lobby eating continental breakfast and watching the news. Obama is making a statement to the media.*
Jaws: (gazing at the screen) Daddy, I love Obama.
Skywalker: (startled) Um. Okay. Why?
Jaws: (turns wide-eyed gaze on Skywalker) Because Mommy loves Obama.
Skywalker: Oh.
Jaws: Daddy, do you love Obama?
Skywalker: (struggling with words) well... as a person, I quite like him, yes. He's a good person. As the president... not so much.
Jaws: (gaze now reproachful) Daddy, why don't you love Obama?
Skywalker: Well... he's... I don't like how he takes my money.
*others, observing from surrounding tables, are now grinning in the Nosurf Family's direction*
Jaws: Why?
Skywalker: Well, I don't like how he takes my money because I'm pretty sure I could spend it better than he thinks he can.
Jaws: Oh. (nods.) Ok.
*a moment passes*
Jaws: Daddy, I still like Obama, though.
Skywalker: Mmm hmmm.
Jaws: (gazing at the screen) Daddy, I love Obama.
Skywalker: (startled) Um. Okay. Why?
Jaws: (turns wide-eyed gaze on Skywalker) Because Mommy loves Obama.
Skywalker: Oh.
Jaws: Daddy, do you love Obama?
Skywalker: (struggling with words) well... as a person, I quite like him, yes. He's a good person. As the president... not so much.
Jaws: (gaze now reproachful) Daddy, why don't you love Obama?
Skywalker: Well... he's... I don't like how he takes my money.
*others, observing from surrounding tables, are now grinning in the Nosurf Family's direction*
Jaws: Why?
Skywalker: Well, I don't like how he takes my money because I'm pretty sure I could spend it better than he thinks he can.
Jaws: Oh. (nods.) Ok.
*a moment passes*
Jaws: Daddy, I still like Obama, though.
Skywalker: Mmm hmmm.
Dec 27, 2010
Things We Say: Goddesses
MayMay: Mom, what's that thing we get to be? After we die? Not gods, the other thing.
NSG: Goddesses?
Maymay: Yeah, Godisses. Mom, when I'm Godisses and I get to make things, And I make my own world?
NSG: Yeah?
MayMay: When I make my own world I will make everything fly. All the girls and the boys and the people, all the cats, all the horses... everything.
NSG: That sounds like a fun place to live.
MayMay: Yeah, and I will make it and everybody will be happy, flying everywhere.
NSG: Goddesses?
Maymay: Yeah, Godisses. Mom, when I'm Godisses and I get to make things, And I make my own world?
NSG: Yeah?
MayMay: When I make my own world I will make everything fly. All the girls and the boys and the people, all the cats, all the horses... everything.
NSG: That sounds like a fun place to live.
MayMay: Yeah, and I will make it and everybody will be happy, flying everywhere.
Dec 22, 2010
Things We Say: Full Disclosure
Loli: Rose-Rose! You've got a bubble booger, don't you. Don't you??
Bella: (laughing) Mom,she's eating them! She's eating her boogers!
MayMay: She prob'ly thinks they're delicious.
Bella: She'll prob'ly keep eating them when she's big!
Loli: When I was six, I ate my boogers.
*general outcry of disgust and hilarity*
Bella: (laughing) Mom,she's eating them! She's eating her boogers!
MayMay: She prob'ly thinks they're delicious.
Bella: She'll prob'ly keep eating them when she's big!
Loli: When I was six, I ate my boogers.
*general outcry of disgust and hilarity*
Dec 19, 2010
Guest Post: The Saving Nature of Personal Relationships
*Editorial Note* Dave is inviting guest bloggers to post articles on his site. In return, he will submit one to your blog. If you're interested, follow the link! There have already been a few very interesting posts that I have enjoyed.
By Dave Loveless
Here is my return post for NoSurfGirl's excellent post on beards....
I teach in priesthood, and each Sunday I find myself drawing the Plan of Salvation on the white board. It's become somewhat of a joke, and the quorum has even promised that one Sunday they are just going to draw it for me ahead of time. I'm actually glad they are threatening that; it means I'm getting through. I first drew the Plan for a very specific lesson, but since that time, I've had continued application for almost every lesson. I've found ways to incorporate the simplicity of the Plan, and there are few things that come through again and again. But first, the plan....
1. Preexistence--We lived with God as spirits before coming to this earth.
2. Veil--We pass through the Veil before coming to earth. This removes our memories of what was before so that we might be tested and proved on this earth.
3. Earth life--We live.
4. Death--We die.
5. Spirit World or Spirit Prison--After death, we go to the Spirit World/Prison where the righteous assist in the great missionary work of helping the millions who have not heard the gospel.
6. Judgment/Resurrection--I don't know how simultaneous this is, but I like to think they are pretty close.
7. Kingdom of Glory--True, there are three kingdoms of glory, but I've always only drawn the Celestial Kingdom. The other two are Plan B and C, and face it... God did not send us to earth to receive a Plan B or C. He has in mind our Eternal Salvation, which can only be had in the Celestial Kingdom. I only draw that kingdom to help others remember that we should be singular in our focus and our goals.
So there you have it. One of the connections that I've made to my class is that the Plan is infinitely personal. I think we often forget that this isn't just the Plan, this is Dave's Plan. This is NoSurfGirl's Plan. This is Your Plan. My Plan. It is tailored in such a way as to be personally saving meaning that the experiences that you have are designed for your salvation. God will allow to happen to you that which will bring about your salvation individually and independent of any other person.
I often get some odd looks when I say that. Most remind me that the marriage covenant is essential for true salvation. Others remind me of Malachi 5 and the turning of our hearts to our forbears and posterity. Others remind me also that salvation is had in family groups and that we will be eventually linked in an unbroken chain of sealing covenants from Adam to, well... I don't know who will be last, though if we were going alphabetically, I'd cast a vote for anyone named after ZZ Top. And that is also all true, but I tend to emphasize the individual nature of the Plan more to remind those I teach of the distinct care and concern the Lord has for each of us and to remind them that salvation is their own responsibility and cannot be had on the leavings on those who have gone before, stand with them now, or will come in the future.
And that being said, the Plan of Salvation requires people. Lots of people. It requires connections and relationships and friendships. The Plan functions best when there are people before to guide the way, people beside to support when weak, and people behind to push when tired.
A Spouse
I think the most critical earthly relationship we can have is with our spouse. More than once have I noted that my greatest weakness often coincides with my wife's greatest strengths and vice versa. Certainly such was in the mind of God when He, looking upon the Man in Eden, said "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:18)." My wife has been such a help meet for my weaknesses, my sorrows, and especially my joys. I'd sooner cry with no one than her, sooner celebrate with no one than her, and sooner be with no one than her.
Looking at the family relationship, we see a special symbolism of Godliness. My father often says that we can find earth-based examples of heavenly structures all around us, particularly the family. Nowhere does this exist more plainly than in the perfect organization of a Christ-centered marriage lived with proper understanding of the nature of the temple covenants and sealing powers. A marriage so organized is based fully on the gospel of Christ with a unified and joint understanding of powers, equality, assistance. The presence of children with the rich blessings and spirits they bring only strengthens and increases such bonds, and such a position surely increases the majesty of the Plan of Salvation and our individual positions in it.
A Friend
Somewhat similar to a Spouse, a Friend is important to the success of the Plan. I'm sure many of us have experienced that wonderful sensation of knowing someone from somewhere before. My father in particular believes that many of the relationships we had prior to this earth are preserved in the relationships we build here. While this may not be true of every relationship, I can identify a goodly number of people who have been uniquely important in my life and, going back to the idea that the Plan is individually saving for each of us, I can only conclude that their presence is important in some way for my growth.
President Hinckley, in trying to improve our ability to watch over the people around us, stated that every member needs three things. One of those three was a friend. Of all the tenderest and sweetest words of scripture, some of my favorites are in Doctrine & Covenants 84:63 where the Christ, speaking to the early leadership of the church stated, "Ye are my friends." Surely little compares in majestic grace and simplicity to the declaration of friendship with the Savior.
Of all the honors any one could ever bestow on me, I would hope that I could be called a friend. I cannot remember where the thought comes from, but I've heard the concept that we can stand as Saviors on Mt. Zion through our faith and testimonies. This, to me, is a friend, and my closest friends have been such to me. People whose examples serve to inspire and strengthen me and people, who like my wife, are instantly and perfectly willing to offer the love and protection of a kind word. While there are numerous examples I could name, my home teachers come to particular memory. These two brothers are active in our lives in rich and full ways. We seek their smiles and their love. In particular, we are both grateful that our children love them, watch for them, and know that they are safe. When President Hinckley spoke of every member having a friend, surely his primary emphasis would have been on every member having home teachers as faithful and aware as our own.
A Savior
Finally, we must actively pursue a relationship with our Savior. Nothing will be of greater worth in the Plan than the personal relationship we build with Him. Today during church, we talked about the Sacrament and what it means to take upon us the name of Christ. One comment that stuck with me is that the attitude of taking on His name is not just simply being known by Him, but rather it is an act of being known as Him. If we truly take upon us His name, we shall find ourselves acting and being in very deed as He is. Taking only the prayer on the bread, we learn that we "witness unto [God] that [we] are willing to take upon [us]the name of [Christ], and always remember him and keep his commandments which he has given [us]; that [we] may always have his Spirit to be with [us] (Doctrine & Covenants 20:77)." Remembering, keeping, and taking upon us His name are all actions that change us in to Christ-like beings by bringing us into proximity with the Spirit which, teaches us of Christ and testifies of His reality, divinity, and saving nature.
While much more could be said on the saving nature of a relationship with the Savior, it is sufficient to note that we cannot be saved without such a relationship for salvation is found through and by Him.
When we consider the very personal and individual nature of the Plan of Salvation, I would invite us to recognize the infinite worth of the many who defend us, stand by us, and pray for us. Salvation is individual, but the road to salvation is watched over by the helping hands and faithful hearts of many who would help us along the way.
By Dave Loveless
Here is my return post for NoSurfGirl's excellent post on beards....
I teach in priesthood, and each Sunday I find myself drawing the Plan of Salvation on the white board. It's become somewhat of a joke, and the quorum has even promised that one Sunday they are just going to draw it for me ahead of time. I'm actually glad they are threatening that; it means I'm getting through. I first drew the Plan for a very specific lesson, but since that time, I've had continued application for almost every lesson. I've found ways to incorporate the simplicity of the Plan, and there are few things that come through again and again. But first, the plan....
1. Preexistence--We lived with God as spirits before coming to this earth.
2. Veil--We pass through the Veil before coming to earth. This removes our memories of what was before so that we might be tested and proved on this earth.
3. Earth life--We live.
4. Death--We die.
5. Spirit World or Spirit Prison--After death, we go to the Spirit World/Prison where the righteous assist in the great missionary work of helping the millions who have not heard the gospel.
6. Judgment/Resurrection--I don't know how simultaneous this is, but I like to think they are pretty close.
7. Kingdom of Glory--True, there are three kingdoms of glory, but I've always only drawn the Celestial Kingdom. The other two are Plan B and C, and face it... God did not send us to earth to receive a Plan B or C. He has in mind our Eternal Salvation, which can only be had in the Celestial Kingdom. I only draw that kingdom to help others remember that we should be singular in our focus and our goals.
So there you have it. One of the connections that I've made to my class is that the Plan is infinitely personal. I think we often forget that this isn't just the Plan, this is Dave's Plan. This is NoSurfGirl's Plan. This is Your Plan. My Plan. It is tailored in such a way as to be personally saving meaning that the experiences that you have are designed for your salvation. God will allow to happen to you that which will bring about your salvation individually and independent of any other person.
I often get some odd looks when I say that. Most remind me that the marriage covenant is essential for true salvation. Others remind me of Malachi 5 and the turning of our hearts to our forbears and posterity. Others remind me also that salvation is had in family groups and that we will be eventually linked in an unbroken chain of sealing covenants from Adam to, well... I don't know who will be last, though if we were going alphabetically, I'd cast a vote for anyone named after ZZ Top. And that is also all true, but I tend to emphasize the individual nature of the Plan more to remind those I teach of the distinct care and concern the Lord has for each of us and to remind them that salvation is their own responsibility and cannot be had on the leavings on those who have gone before, stand with them now, or will come in the future.
And that being said, the Plan of Salvation requires people. Lots of people. It requires connections and relationships and friendships. The Plan functions best when there are people before to guide the way, people beside to support when weak, and people behind to push when tired.
A Spouse
I think the most critical earthly relationship we can have is with our spouse. More than once have I noted that my greatest weakness often coincides with my wife's greatest strengths and vice versa. Certainly such was in the mind of God when He, looking upon the Man in Eden, said "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him (Genesis 2:18)." My wife has been such a help meet for my weaknesses, my sorrows, and especially my joys. I'd sooner cry with no one than her, sooner celebrate with no one than her, and sooner be with no one than her.
Looking at the family relationship, we see a special symbolism of Godliness. My father often says that we can find earth-based examples of heavenly structures all around us, particularly the family. Nowhere does this exist more plainly than in the perfect organization of a Christ-centered marriage lived with proper understanding of the nature of the temple covenants and sealing powers. A marriage so organized is based fully on the gospel of Christ with a unified and joint understanding of powers, equality, assistance. The presence of children with the rich blessings and spirits they bring only strengthens and increases such bonds, and such a position surely increases the majesty of the Plan of Salvation and our individual positions in it.
A Friend
Somewhat similar to a Spouse, a Friend is important to the success of the Plan. I'm sure many of us have experienced that wonderful sensation of knowing someone from somewhere before. My father in particular believes that many of the relationships we had prior to this earth are preserved in the relationships we build here. While this may not be true of every relationship, I can identify a goodly number of people who have been uniquely important in my life and, going back to the idea that the Plan is individually saving for each of us, I can only conclude that their presence is important in some way for my growth.
President Hinckley, in trying to improve our ability to watch over the people around us, stated that every member needs three things. One of those three was a friend. Of all the tenderest and sweetest words of scripture, some of my favorites are in Doctrine & Covenants 84:63 where the Christ, speaking to the early leadership of the church stated, "Ye are my friends." Surely little compares in majestic grace and simplicity to the declaration of friendship with the Savior.
Of all the honors any one could ever bestow on me, I would hope that I could be called a friend. I cannot remember where the thought comes from, but I've heard the concept that we can stand as Saviors on Mt. Zion through our faith and testimonies. This, to me, is a friend, and my closest friends have been such to me. People whose examples serve to inspire and strengthen me and people, who like my wife, are instantly and perfectly willing to offer the love and protection of a kind word. While there are numerous examples I could name, my home teachers come to particular memory. These two brothers are active in our lives in rich and full ways. We seek their smiles and their love. In particular, we are both grateful that our children love them, watch for them, and know that they are safe. When President Hinckley spoke of every member having a friend, surely his primary emphasis would have been on every member having home teachers as faithful and aware as our own.
A Savior
Finally, we must actively pursue a relationship with our Savior. Nothing will be of greater worth in the Plan than the personal relationship we build with Him. Today during church, we talked about the Sacrament and what it means to take upon us the name of Christ. One comment that stuck with me is that the attitude of taking on His name is not just simply being known by Him, but rather it is an act of being known as Him. If we truly take upon us His name, we shall find ourselves acting and being in very deed as He is. Taking only the prayer on the bread, we learn that we "witness unto [God] that [we] are willing to take upon [us]the name of [Christ], and always remember him and keep his commandments which he has given [us]; that [we] may always have his Spirit to be with [us] (Doctrine & Covenants 20:77)." Remembering, keeping, and taking upon us His name are all actions that change us in to Christ-like beings by bringing us into proximity with the Spirit which, teaches us of Christ and testifies of His reality, divinity, and saving nature.
While much more could be said on the saving nature of a relationship with the Savior, it is sufficient to note that we cannot be saved without such a relationship for salvation is found through and by Him.
When we consider the very personal and individual nature of the Plan of Salvation, I would invite us to recognize the infinite worth of the many who defend us, stand by us, and pray for us. Salvation is individual, but the road to salvation is watched over by the helping hands and faithful hearts of many who would help us along the way.
Dec 14, 2010
Things We Say
*setting: NSG, Skywalker and children are discussing the possibility of a move*
NSG: Moving is not fun, we always miss our friends. If we do have to move sometime soon, then we'll be sad for some reasons. But sometimes, like in the scriptures, Heavenly Father leads us to something that will make us happier and be better for us. Since we know Heavenly Father loves us, we can know that whatever he wants for us will make us the happiest we can be. Even if we're sad for a while.
Skywalker: If we move up there, we could have animals, maybe.
*kids visibly brighten*
Skywalker: If you could have animals, what animal would you want to have?
Loli: *promptly* a horse.
NSG: (exchanges glances with skywalker.) Well, maybe not a horse, right now. Unless one of you wanted it badly enough to learn how to take really good care of it, and earned the money to buy it and have a place for it and feed it and all that. So probably you'd have to have a job before you had a horse.
Loli: Well, a puppy then.
Skywalker: That would be likely.
NSG: A puppy sounds great.
Jaws: I like chickies.
Skywalker: If we had the land for it, we'd definitely want to have chickens.
Bella: I like cows.
MayMay: Monkeys! I want Monkeys!
NSG: Moving is not fun, we always miss our friends. If we do have to move sometime soon, then we'll be sad for some reasons. But sometimes, like in the scriptures, Heavenly Father leads us to something that will make us happier and be better for us. Since we know Heavenly Father loves us, we can know that whatever he wants for us will make us the happiest we can be. Even if we're sad for a while.
Skywalker: If we move up there, we could have animals, maybe.
*kids visibly brighten*
Skywalker: If you could have animals, what animal would you want to have?
Loli: *promptly* a horse.
NSG: (exchanges glances with skywalker.) Well, maybe not a horse, right now. Unless one of you wanted it badly enough to learn how to take really good care of it, and earned the money to buy it and have a place for it and feed it and all that. So probably you'd have to have a job before you had a horse.
Loli: Well, a puppy then.
Skywalker: That would be likely.
NSG: A puppy sounds great.
Jaws: I like chickies.
Skywalker: If we had the land for it, we'd definitely want to have chickens.
Bella: I like cows.
MayMay: Monkeys! I want Monkeys!
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